Lifestyle

Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon things that no woman who already has a bloke would...

Scientists at Rochdale College have discovered that nothing gets the message that you hate them across to your neighbour's more than a Leilandii hedge. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We looked at various means that...

Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and...

International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day manchild Despite introducing blade, after blade, after blade, the company has...

Grammar police call for tougher sentences Campaigners are calling for grammar errors to be punished with tougher sentences - especially for repeat offenders. "There is to much grammar errors at the moment," said a...

Theresa May urges parents to 'eat their children' given current political situation. Prime Minister Theresa May has urged British parents to "eat your children" claiming that "It's the kindest thing to do" considering the state...

Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging. Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and it was a white out so the kids wanted to...

Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was due to meet his mates for a session when he...

The Government have announced that gatherings of more than 6 people are to be banned. But what do you do if your "Company AGM" is raided by the fuzz? Here's our top tips if...

Johnny and Mary (not real names) are just your average suburban dwelling couple who work hard on the weekdays and like to relax in front of the telly watching a nice film. Sounds all...

Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects the important things in my father's life and reflect his...

A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks". Piers and many other single men with little else to do than call people...

Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the British public. Narrowly beating 'Two days off work' and 'Getting an...

A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry at their local suburban Indian restaurant last weekend. The Sharma family,...

A liberal man has spoken today of his horror at being seconds away from becoming a Brexiteer. Near-victim Webastian Sliesel told our reporter Sebastian Wiesel "It was horrendous. I was in Plymouth, which has a...

A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult. Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to the Rochdale Herald about the results. "The number of epic fools...