Woman walking through shopping crown

Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market

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Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all...
child

Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

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A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...
Theresa May

Theresa May urges parents to ‘eat their children’ given current political situation

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Theresa May urges parents to 'eat their children' given current political situation. Prime Minister Theresa May has urged British parents to "eat your children" claiming...

Blitz spirit will see us through says man panic buying sanitary towels and Quinoa

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The UK's Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has likened the nation's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic to the "Blitz spirit" which saw plucky Brits through...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

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Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the...

What to do when your dog dies in your hot car

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Summer is here and forecasters are predicting a heatwave in the coming weeks. With temperatures expected to hit 30oC the country will be awash...

Rochdale Herald guide to the top ten books to read before you die

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At the Rochdale Herald it's all about mindfulness and self improvement in January. In that spirit, we take a look at 10 books you should...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

Northerner brings Kraft Slices to cheese and wine party in Surrey

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A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening...

Some like it…NOT! Monroe fan’s £8k new look more like man’s best friend than...

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French waiter Cyril Roux is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan. 'I guess you could say I'm addicted to injections,' mumbles Cyril Roux, a 32-year-old waiter...

Liberal man escapes Wetherspoons seconds before Brexit seems appealing.

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A liberal man has spoken today of his horror at being seconds away from becoming a Brexiteer. Near-victim Webastian Sliesel told our reporter Sebastian Wiesel...

Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

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International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...

Brainless moron shaves 30 seconds off his drive home by doing 70 through the...

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One dickhead has been telling the Herald about how he has found a way to shave 30 seconds off the time it takes him...

Rochdale Man’s attempt to iron his shirt declared a blazing success

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Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was...

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