A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your ‘Ocsober’; ‘Mowvember’ and ‘Veganuary’ has decided to punch you all in the face during April.

“It’s probably the most therapeutic thing possible.” said Ed Testees (37). “I’ve spent months of you smug bastards not doing normal things like drink, shave, or eat God’s delicious animals for months on end.” “If that wasn’t enough, your constant wheedling like ‘you ought to try it, Ed’ and ‘you’d feel sooooo much better, Ed….’ really pisses me off.”

“It’s led to an unhealthy build up of tension, which I plan to relieve with Punch In The Facepril.”

“If you persist, I might introduce Smack Round The Chopsgust,  you self-righteous bunch of prigs.”