Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru
Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of...
Knives sharper than the tools carrying them
Causes of knife crime confirmed to be poor choices of dead victims
As knife crime continues to plague the streets of the capital, a bleeding...
Head of the Mafia innocent of being in Mafia says jury of Mafia members
The head of the Mafia, 4 Tony's Tony is definitely not part of the Mafia after a jury made up of members of the...
Tommy Robinson wins coveted softest mouth in Hull prison award
Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award.
Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the...
Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...
Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.
Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested
A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.
Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition
News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.
Black Friday riots as Asda sell trolleys for £1
Riot police had to be called to a Rochdale Asda today following a bout of civil disorder. Heavy discounts meant customers could purchase trolleys...
US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts
In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of...
Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney
As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called...
Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack
Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...
Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat
Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe
There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.
‘Off to free Tommy Robinson’ replaces ‘dropping kids off at the pool’ as UK’s...
News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump...
Man kills woman
A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman
This article...




















































