Rothschilds ‘surprised’ at Trump victory but pleased in investment in US wall building company

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The Rothschild family are set for a huge windfall following Donald Trump's 'surprise' success in the US election.

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

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HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got...

Rochdale Set to Become Major Irony Exporter

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The irony mining industry in Rochdale, previously in serious decline, received a massive boost yesterday following the result of the US Presidential elections. Irony is...
Lego logo

Lego let go of Trump

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It has been revealed this week that toy manufacturing giants Lego will not produce a figure of president elect Donald Trump. Many have regarded this...

Amazon to train Animals to deliver your parcels

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The world's largest internet retailer, and tax avoiding giant, Amazon are rumored to be conducting secret trials using animals to deliver parcels to your...

Controversy Rages Over New Polymer Five Pound Note

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In one month's time, the Bank Of England will roll out the new polymer five pound banknote, replacing and ultimately phasing out the familiar...

Amber Rudd launches investigation into NHS as ‘foreign worker’ stats land

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At the Tory Conference earlier today, Miss. Rudd asked all businesses to compile a list of anyone who looks or speaks funny - except...
Jumbel Sale

Online tat markets filling up with utter crap that ‘Would make a great Christmas...

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As the nights draw in and the last of the pre-winter rituals of ‘Children Demanding Sweets by Menaces’ night, ‘Throwing Fireworks at Cats’ night...
Bearded hipster coffee

Artisan coffee is actually just coffee, admits pretentious twat

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A pretentious twat from Rochdale has admitted that so-called artisan coffee is actually just the same as all other coffee, just a bit more...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...

HS2 to be built by immigrants

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The government is expected to reveal plans to admit up to two thousand migrant workers from the Calais Jungle to help construct  HS2. Prospective workers...

President Trump launches Ivanka’s exclusive Hello Pussy lingerie line during talks with Japanese Prime...

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Reading aloud small words from a Steve Bannon script, President Trump welcomed Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, to the famous White House.  After he...

Supermarkets Brexit crisis as panic buyers hoard essentials

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?Staff arriving for work at the new Rochdale Waitrose were surprised to find a car park full of Range Rovers and a queue of concerned...

Flag Furore as Fans Face Fines

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  An entire street on Rochdale's Newbold estate was threatened with fines on Monday - if they refuse to remove a multitude of flags from...
Del Monte

Man from Del Monte faces deportation

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Amber Rudd has confirmed that the Man from Del Monte is to be deported. The man who arrived in the UK in the 1980's recently...
Pensioners

Pensioners with British Gas look forward to choosing between freezing and starving to death...

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"My pension didn't cover the old price. In fact, the only reason I didn't freeze to death last year is because I was able to burn all the ‘late Payment’ notices that British Gas kept sending out"

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