Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

10
The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...
Del Monte

Man from Del Monte faces deportation

0
Amber Rudd has confirmed that the Man from Del Monte is to be deported. The man who arrived in the UK in the 1980's recently...

Southern Trains to rebrand as Southern Replacement Bus Service

0
There was more great news for commuters across the Southeast after Trading Standards and the Advertising Standards authority waded in on the long running Southern Trains dispute.
Big Shop

British economy under pressure as threat of Nuclear Armageddon puts weekly ‘Big Shop’ In...

0
Rochdale housewife Vicky Lucas has revealed the dichotomy she faces over her usual Saturday trip to Asda. "Normally I'd go and do my 'big shop'...
Samantha Cameron

Austerity horror as Samantha Cameron admits to sending her cook to Aldi

24
Samantha Cameron has triggered an outpouring of concern this morning with the revelation that she has had to send cook to Aldi. And it gets...
Drone

ISIL in talks with Amazon over drone deliveries deal

0
An email has surfaced, from an anonymous source claiming to be from within Amazon, which suggests that the international distribution leviathan is in secret...
Chocolate

Theresa May outraged over plans to drop Great from Great Britain

0
Chocolatiers are responding to Theresa May's ire this afternoon after "Great" was dropped from "Great Britain " in a number of confectionary products. From now...

ISIS and UN unite to condemn So-Called Yodel Customer Services for crimes against humanity

8
ISIS and all the member states of the United Nations have broadly condemned the British parcel delivery firm and courier service Yodel for crimes against humanity.
Survivor

Last PPI claimant found alive and well

2
The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive.  After years of...

Sports Direct worker in critical condition after selling bag for life and giant mug

11
Medics were today called to Sports Direct at the Kingsway Shopping Centre in Rochdale after a member of the till staff collapsed in shock. Mary...

Nuclear war could be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry

0
A globally devastating nuclear war could prove to be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry, the UK's Secretary of State for International...

Men applaud new Gillette advert that features man carving his initials into girlfriends face...

0
A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks". Piers and many other...
Poundland

Poundland to rebrand as Two Poundland by March 2017

0
Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
Lenny Henry

Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight

0
Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the...
Bearded hipster coffee

Artisan coffee is actually just coffee, admits pretentious twat

0
A pretentious twat from Rochdale has admitted that so-called artisan coffee is actually just the same as all other coffee, just a bit more...

Controversy Rages Over New Polymer Five Pound Note

0
In one month's time, the Bank Of England will roll out the new polymer five pound banknote, replacing and ultimately phasing out the familiar...

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