Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit

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Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit...

Middle East Side Story

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A controversial piece of performance theatre is set to premiere at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre shortly before Christmas this year: Director Sheldon Jervis announced plans...

Boss of insolvent Maplin vows to solder on

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The failure of electrical retailer Maplin has shocked the market after fuse saw it coming, but is it indicative of the current state of...
Brexit Easter Eggs

Mixed Reviews for Brexit Easter Eggs

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The government’s official Brexit Easter Eggs have been flying off the shelves this week but many consumers have been left disappointed. Betty Roffin of Rochdale...

ACEA: No U-Turn on Right-hand Drive Cars

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The European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA: Association des Constructeurs Européens d'Automobiles) looks set to cease the production of right-hand drive vehicles by mid-2019. The decision...

Specsavers Official Sponsors Of WWIII

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Specsavers has announced it has signed a two-year deal as official sponsors of the forthcoming World War Three, with effect from mid November. The company...

Local Entrepreneur Makes Big Hit On Dragon’s Den

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Local businessman Vinnie 'Fingers' McPherson entered the big league in the world of high finance today when his appearance on TV's popular Dragon's Den show took...
Waterstones

Waterstones moves post-apocalyptic fiction to current affairs section

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In a statement today, popular British high street book retailer Waterstones announced all books with post-apocalyptic themes will be moved to the current affairs...
Bearded hipster coffee

Artisan coffee is actually just coffee, admits pretentious twat

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A pretentious twat from Rochdale has admitted that so-called artisan coffee is actually just the same as all other coffee, just a bit more...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...

Industrial Action Threatened as British Workers Jobs at Threat in Languages Row

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Reports that several British workers have had their employment terminated from the world famous British sofa manufacturer Zestra, because they failed to learn Polish...
Angry Woman

Co-worker with ‘resting bitch-face’ actually really nice

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We all fear change in Rochdale especially when we meet new people and feel the tension building as we force small talk. One local...
Man Shop

Shops Brace Themselves for Annual 24th December Man Shop of Well Packaged Shite

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Man Shop's Eve - the day men buy all their Christmas presents using no thought or imagination based only upon the quality of packaging...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the...

Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores

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Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores. Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious...

Waitrose shoppers slumming it at Sainsbury’s as Pound plummets

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Fans of the high end supermarket Waitrose have been forced to shop elsewhere as the Pound is now roughly the same value as the...

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