Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores

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Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores. Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious...

President Trump launches Ivanka’s exclusive Hello Pussy lingerie line during talks with Japanese Prime...

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Reading aloud small words from a Steve Bannon script, President Trump welcomed Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, to the famous White House.  After he...

Rochdale regrets out vote, as Euromillions lottery to be phased out by 2017

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Communities in Rochdale were reeling this morning as more news of impending financial doom hit the papers, and the pockets of hard working job...

Amazon to train Animals to deliver your parcels

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The world's largest internet retailer, and tax avoiding giant, Amazon are rumored to be conducting secret trials using animals to deliver parcels to your...

iPhone users left feeling cheated

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Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...

Little Chef Change All Breakfasts To ‘Pork-Free’ After Complaints by ‘Foreigners’.

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British roadside dining legends Little Chef have decided to make all their breakfasts, including their famous ‘All Day Breakfast’, entirely pork-free following a campaign...
Baby seal

Baby seals used in making of new £1 coin.

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The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the...
Vegan woman

Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes

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Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of...
Zizzi

Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review

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Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month. Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in...

Wank Bank to close with loss of 1,200 Hand Jobs – Bosses Blame 4G...

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The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading. Founded in...

LIDL opens second till

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As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till. Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...

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