Power Station

Tories not free market enough for money grabbing Conn man

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Some people in the Conservative Party don’t have blind and unquestioning faith in dogmatic free market bullshit, a rich bloke who charges people extortionate rates for power has claimed. Iain Conn (honestly, that’s not a...

Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”

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UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black Friday.  The campaign which urges people not to buy a single...
Office Workers

Passive aggressive colleague is genuinely ‘looking forward to your reply’

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An office worker who regularly distributes passive aggressive emails genuinely is 'looking forward to your response' because he is very lonely and has little else going on in his life, it was confirmed today. Mid-ranking...
KFC

Kentucky Fried Chicken unaffected by chicken shortage, thousands of cats reported missing

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KFC has opened more of its outlets in the UK despite running completely out of chicken.

City Traders delighted to cash in on RBS free money Bonanza

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The Government has announced a radical new plan to help, hard pressed, under-performing multi-million pound hedge fund managers make up the short-fall in their balance sheets. The hedge fund managers have been finding trading difficult in...

Five year old lemonade salesman found guilty of tax evasion after multi-million pound VAT...

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A five year old girl has been found guilty at the Old Bailey of tax evasion after a multi-million pound VAT investigation. The girl, clearly already hell bent on a life of white collar crime,...
Geese

New £50 note to be made of foie gras

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In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as a double blow to angry vegetarians, who found out that the...

Emergency shadow cabinet meeting called following shock resignation of Shadow Culture Secretary Adnan Khan

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Jeremy Corbyn has called yet another emergency cabinet meeting today after Rochdale superstar Adnan Khan resigned from his position as Shadow Culture Secretary. Corbyn's press secretary called the meeting after Adnan tweeted his resignation with a...
McDonald's

Mcdonalds to stop giving away assault rifles in Happy Meals in some US states

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Four states in America have stopped giving away free assault rifles with every Happy Meal deal as a direct response to KFC banning knives in boxes of chicken in the UK. Denver West McDonald's Store...

Private rail company owner and Blairite totally unbiased about Traingate

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Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded. The gazillionaire, famous for crappy record shops and climate change, told the Herald; "I'm...
Angry Woman

Co-worker with ‘resting bitch-face’ actually really nice

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We all fear change in Rochdale especially when we meet new people and feel the tension building as we force small talk. One local woman had those fears build into a living nightmare. Upon...

Kinder, with these chocolates you are really not spoiling us

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German confectionary giant Kinder has announced plans to remove the toys from 52% of all UK bound Kinder Eggs from the 1st of October 2016. CEO of Kinder Chocolate, Hans Frei, made the shock announcement...

Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores

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Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores. Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious Nonsense at Waitrose said "Londoners are leading a trend towards...

IKEA announce new post Brexit home-ware range

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Swedish furniture and home-ware giant IKEA have announced that it plans tolaunch a new range of "post Brexit furniture and home-ware" to suit the depleted pockets of the post Brexit British public. Speaking to the...
Waterstones

Waterstones moves post-apocalyptic fiction to current affairs section

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In a statement today, popular British high street book retailer Waterstones announced all books with post-apocalyptic themes will be moved to the current affairs section. CEO James Daunt said “Customers have become increasingly disillusioned by...
Nick Clegg

Facebook will always be free for students, promises Nick Clegg

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Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students. The 51 year old former 'politician' was...

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