Meeting

We need another meeting to discuss this meeting

The Rochdale Global Enterprises' operations and functions sub-committee concluded yesterday that a further meeting was needed before its next meeting on Tuesday week. The RGEOFSC meets regularly each week to discuss operations and functions. The...

Middle class first time buyers struggling to afford luxury and luxury homes

Middle class first time buyers are up in arms over house prices this week as the housing market continued to slow while the price of beautiful, conveniently located luxury homes continues to rise. "It's ridiculous."...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland shouldn't have allowed Apple to pay less in tax than...

New Tory Crabbs Clinic opens in Rochdale

Great news for Rochdale's Yorkshire Street just keeps rolling in. As well as being a wonderful area for shopping, entertainment and food, it's also becoming something of a local equivalent of London's Harley Street...

Global economy near collapse after George Osborne pulls sickie

It has been revealed that once George Osborne takes up his post as Editor of the London Evening Standard, his importance to the global economy will have crossed a critical threshold. Should Osborne take a...
Britannia Hotel

Homeless virgin gives birth in Britannia Hotel car park after being told no room...

News is coming in that a homeless virgin has given birth to a baby boy in the car park of the Royal Hull Hotel after being told that there was no room at the...
Businessman

Nationalisation doesn’t work, says firm making millions out of Privatisation

Business - Residents left worried by the collapse of Carillion and ensuing loss of local services have been given the news by local MP Gavin Reidy that a new provider has been identified and...
Lenny Henry

Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...

President Trump launches Ivanka’s exclusive Hello Pussy lingerie line during talks with Japanese Prime...

Reading aloud small words from a Steve Bannon script, President Trump welcomed Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, to the famous White House.  After he let go of the stunned Prime Minister’s hand following a...
Chocolate

Theresa May outraged over plans to drop Great from Great Britain

Chocolatiers are responding to Theresa May's ire this afternoon after "Great" was dropped from "Great Britain " in a number of confectionary products. From now on "Great Britain's Parliament Boiled Lollies" will simply be "Britain's...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

“I Can’t Wipe My Arse With New £Fiver” Say Tory Chair Lord Bastard

New Prime Minister Teresa May has had a sensational bust-up with party Chairman - Lord Bastard of Hubris - over the new £5 note. Sources close to the PM say that Lord Bastard burst...
Brexit Easter Eggs

Mixed Reviews for Brexit Easter Eggs

The government’s official Brexit Easter Eggs have been flying off the shelves this week but many consumers have been left disappointed. Betty Roffin of Rochdale was one of many demanding a refund, stating “I bought...
Zizzi

Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review

Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month. Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in March. We felt peckish so went to Zizzi's. OK, it...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7. The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple...

British Company Based In Britain Backs Britain

Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK to stay in the EU admitted that despite never saying...

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