Man Shop’s Eve – the day men buy all their Christmas presents using no thought or imagination based only upon the quality of packaging that might get away without being wrapped is looming large for retailers as record levels of apathy look likely to result in record sales.

The day – the 2nd biggest of the shopping calendar after “Forgot Valentines Saturday” will see the sight of irritated men persuading themselves that their 16 year old son needs a Jack Daniels hip flask and wooden glove set.

Experts are expecting Lynx gift sets to sell out by lunchtime with The Body Shop already packing 6 tiny samples into a shoebox with a £19.95 price tag.

“The queues at checkouts at this time of year are predominantly made up of men carrying an array of monstrosities that are likely to leave their families hugely disappointed,” revealed Newt Hump of the British Retail Consortium.

It’s not all bad news as Charity Shops are expecting their usual bumper donations in January. Help the Aged have, however, asked donors to “keep any fucking kettle & blender sets to themselves” after several house fires are still subject to law suits from a dubious offer from Curry’s last year.