Business

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7. The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple...

Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students. The 51 year old former 'politician' was...

  An entire street on Rochdale's Newbold estate was threatened with fines on Monday - if they refuse to remove a multitude of flags from outside their homes. Local resident Johnny Methson (pictured above with his...

The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading. Founded in Rochdale in 1880 as the Rochdale Mutual Society, it originally...

A pretentious twat from Rochdale has admitted that so-called artisan coffee is actually just the same as all other coffee, just a bit more of a hassle to make and more expensive. Bojangles St Claire,...

The Royal Bank of Scotland has today announced losses of 7 billion pounds in the fiscal year of 2016. The Bank has been running at a loss of several billion a year since the global...

News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that Booths in Preston is planning the bold move to branch...

Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the company used to assess work capacity, has come under fire...

  Alexander Boris de Pfeffle Johnson won't even be declared as head of the Tory Party until the needless sham of a leadership election is publicly played out in a futile attempt to convince the...

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black Friday.  The campaign which urges people not to buy a single...

In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as a double blow to angry vegetarians, who found out that the...

Things took a turn for the decidedly unpleasant at the plush new Waitrose store in Rochdale's upmarket Shawclough Road area this afternoon as a spate of panic buying quickly escalated into bitter violence, looting...

As panic buying continues, one branch of LIDL has opened a second till. Regional Manager Labia McKenzie, 17, said "We've taken the drastic measure of opening till number 3 at our store in Corby. The...

Bank of England unveils new non-gender alignment biased polymer tenner. As of today, ten million new ten pound notes bearing the new design have now been brought into circulation. As well as including a tactile...

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned out en masse at the voting booths to vote against...

Labour leader and beardy weirdy Jeremy Corbyn is facing a scandal this evening. It has been uncovered by the Herald that Corbyn has been receiving undeclared payments from a shell company that make the elbow-patches...