Nestlé announce Milky Bar Kid reboot

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The public were thrilled today to learn that the classic Milky Bar adverts will be making a return to our television screens this autumn complete with the timeless Milky Bar Kid, horse and famous...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

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Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

Amnesty International condemn plans to open JD Sports Warehouse on Guantanamo Bay

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Amnesty International have written a strongly worded letter to the shareholders of JD Sports and the CIA urging them not to open a warehouse on the US base on Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. "Life is...

Rochdale worries as EU funding crisis hits Cornish supply chain

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Mark Duddridge, chairman of the Cornwall and Isles of Scilly Local Enterprise Partnership, has said he wants a guarantee from the UK Government that the funds will keep coming, even after Brexit is complete. In...
Angry Woman

Co-worker with ‘resting bitch-face’ actually really nice

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We all fear change in Rochdale especially when we meet new people and feel the tension building as we force small talk. One local woman had those fears build into a living nightmare. Upon...
Bank of England

Remain Voter Desperately Waiting for Pound to Die

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Due to an almost pathological desire to be proven correct, a Remain voter is obsessively checking the sterling exchange rate for signs of terminal illness. "A bad cold is all I see at the moment." The resident...

Five year old lemonade salesman found guilty of tax evasion after multi-million pound VAT...

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A five year old girl has been found guilty at the Old Bailey of tax evasion after a multi-million pound VAT investigation. The girl, clearly already hell bent on a life of white collar crime,...

Rochdale regrets out vote, as Euromillions lottery to be phased out by 2017

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Communities in Rochdale were reeling this morning as more news of impending financial doom hit the papers, and the pockets of hard working job seekers and alcoholics alike. "I can't believe this is happening." Said...
Plain wooden coffin

Funeral business booming thanks to Tory policy

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Funeral services are enjoying an unprecedented rise in trade thanks to the reforms in disability benefits and the selling off of NHS services. Although ATOS, the company used to assess work capacity, has come under fire...

Rochdale Banking Firm NM Rothschild and Sons Hail Brexit Vote as a “victory for...

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Billionaire currency traders were jubilant after night of uncertainty saw the pound tumble to a 31 year low after reaching a five year high in less than six hours. NM Rothschild and Sons, the banking...

May announces textile regeneration scheme for the Northern Powerhouse

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious plans to boost the UK textile industry in "grim northern...

Remain support Nigel’s calls for 2nd EU Referendum

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With around 1.5 million people and rising having signed a petition calling for a re-run of the referendum that decided the UK's membership of the EU, a surprise supporter has left supporters of Leave...

Patriotic billionaire Brexit supporter patriotically moves headquarters to Singapore

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A Brexit supporting patriotic billionaire is so confident that Brexit is good for business that he's decided to move the headquarters of his business to Singapore. "The move has nothing whatsoever to do with paying...
Vegan woman

Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes

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Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of England's new £5 notes. 'Tallowgate l', as it became known, sparked...
Snobbish man

85% Of Waitrose Customers Horrified To Learn It Is A Workers’ Collective

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Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective. Eric Pode (40), a shopper in the Croydon branch and a keen amateur...

Post Office denies responsibility for items lost in Post

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Today The Post Office officially denied responsibility for undelivered items getting lost in the postal system. Post Office spokespostie, Patrick Clifton, told The Herald; "It's the job of the sender to pay enough postage to reach...

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