Global Markets panic as #BoycottEverything goes viral on Twitter

Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and then disappear up it's own arse at any given moment. What's...

May announces textile regeneration scheme for the Northern Powerhouse

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious plans to boost the UK textile industry in "grim northern...
Waterstones

Waterstones moves post-apocalyptic fiction to current affairs section

In a statement today, popular British high street book retailer Waterstones announced all books with post-apocalyptic themes will be moved to the current affairs section. CEO James Daunt said “Customers have become increasingly disillusioned by...
Poundland

Poundland to rebrand as Two Poundland by March 2017

Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
Knickersw with Trump written on them

Get your hands out of Ivanka’s knickers, White House orders media

  White House press secretary Sean "Ginger" Spicer has issued an ultimatum to the US media in the wake of the growing row over the lingerie line belonging to President Trump's daughter Ivanka. Spicegirl accused the...
Corbyn Elbow Patches

Scandal as Corbyn in the pocket of big elbow-patch manufacturing

Labour leader and beardy weirdy Jeremy Corbyn is facing a scandal this evening. It has been uncovered by the Herald that Corbyn has been receiving undeclared payments from a shell company that make the elbow-patches...
KFC

Kentucky Fried Chicken unaffected by chicken shortage, thousands of cats reported missing

KFC has opened more of its outlets in the UK despite running completely out of chicken.

Little Chef Change All Breakfasts To ‘Pork-Free’ After Complaints by ‘Foreigners’.

British roadside dining legends Little Chef have decided to make all their breakfasts, including their famous ‘All Day Breakfast’, entirely pork-free following a campaign by ‘hooded foreigners’ who accused them of discrimination and uncleanliness. The...

Rothschilds ‘surprised’ at Trump victory but pleased in investment in US wall building company

The Rothschild family are set for a huge windfall following Donald Trump's 'surprise' success in the US election.

Wank Bank to close with loss of 1,200 Hand Jobs – Bosses Blame 4G...

The Wank Bank, formally Britain's premier repository of one-handed images, has announced that it will shut its doors after over 100 years of trading. Founded in Rochdale in 1880 as the Rochdale Mutual Society, it originally...

Phil Spencer really was a Secret Agent

In an ironic illustration of life imitating art it was revealed today that Channel 4 property porn star, Phil Spencer, really did operate as a secret agent in the late 1990's. Spencer's new autobiography 'How...

Royal Doulton to produce commemorative Alex Salmond Toby Jug 

The iconic British pottery company which was established in 1815 made the announcement yesterday. Managing Director, Timothy Clay, said; "Toby Jugs were always a popular item and with the current political climate we thought now was...

Corbyn appoints Rochdale local musician Adnan Khan Shadow Culture Secretary

After a turbulent day for Jeremy Corbyn, things could be looking up as he adds a Rochdale superstar to his new cabinet.Rochdale's answer to Dappy from Ndubz, Adnan Khan is rumoured to be the...

Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores

Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores. Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious Nonsense at Waitrose said "Londoners are leading a trend towards...
refrigerator

Sales of refrigerators tumble due to British Gas price hike

This week brought the news that British Gas are set to raise their prices again, effecting millions of loyal customers. This move will likely see many poor and vulnerable homeowners left with difficult choices, as...

People urged to buy nuclear submarines to boost jobs in Barrow

People are being urged to buy nuclear submarines as part of a strategy to reduce the effects of poverty in Barrow-in-Furness. The call comes on a day when it was revealed that there are instances...

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