People are being urged to buy nuclear submarines as part of a strategy to reduce the effects of poverty in Barrow-in-Furness.

The call comes on a day when it was revealed that there are instances of school children stealing food so that they don’t go hungry.

Barrovian, Bill Board said, “Food banks are rubbish. It does nothing for your self-esteem. If I had a job and a wage coming in I could afford to feed my family. BAE are the biggest employer round here so obviously, if people were to buy more nuclear submarines there’d be more jobs.”

Celebrities have been getting in on the act as well. Bob Geldoff is rumoured to be organising a pop concert to raise awareness of the need to build more nuclear submarines.

Bob said, “Make poverty history, buy nuclear submarines. When you look at Barrow-in-Furness you see a lot of poverty. That poverty could be solved if more people bought submarines.

During the Cold War Barrow-in-Furness had loads of jobs because the Government were buying loads of weapons. Now the people need to step in and buy submarines to generate jobs.”

And it’s not just celebrities. Greater Manchester business owner, Stan Still said, “I was born in Barrow-in-Furness in 1974. My dad worked for BAE. The money he earned working overtime to build weapons paid for me to set up my own business. I owe everything I have to Saddam Hussein invading Kuwait.”

Labour MP, Dick Swett said, “People think I’ll be anti-nuclear submarines. I’m not though. Building nuclear submarines creates way more jobs than knitting CND banners. Any idiot can knit a banner. Not many people can build a submarine so it makes sense to buy them and create more jobs for my constituents.”

And it’s not just British people who are being urged to buy more submarines. A march will be held next weekend by children from Barrow-in-Furness schools. During the march they’ll demand that the Government do more to sell nuclear submarines to foreign buyers.

One told us, “The Government could sell more. Obviously, Saudi Arabia buys stuff but there’s huge markets elsewhere that could be exploited. Jordan and Austria could afford to buy a couple of submarines for instance.”

It’s understood that if the plan to sell more submarines works people will be urged to buy more warplanes. It’s believed that this could help depressed areas of Lancashire and East Yorkshire.