Bank of England unveils new non-gender alignment biased polymer tenner.

As of today, ten million new ten pound notes bearing the new design have now been brought into circulation. As well as including a tactile feature that allows blind and partially sighted users to differentiate between denominations, the new notes also feature as a security measure a small hologram that switches between ‘ten’ and ‘pounds’, as well as a picture of author Jane Austen that transforms into an image of popular American wrestler, actor and author ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin when you tilt it ‘at a bit of an angle’.

Bank of England governor Mark Carney told a press conference at an unveiling of the new note: “We really wanted to put a chick on there, and we were going to use her off the new Dr Who, but someone suggested Jane Austin. She’s like this chick that used to write books? She did that one about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I totally loved that book”.

“Anyway, we also wanted to totally big up the trans community as well, cos the pink pound is like ‘Whoah!’ so the rainbow pound must be like ‘Double whoah!’, right? So anyway, Stone Cold Steve Austin is my all time fave pro wrestler, so it was like a total no-brainer. I’ve always felt from reading Pride And Prejudice And Zombies that Jane Austin is really a chick with a big angry man trapped inside her. A bit like Dwayne Johnson. What better way to honour her memory as well as the trans community by giving them a ten pound note all of their own?”

Spokesperson for the Jane Austen Centre, Ms Henrietta Regency-Tearoom, was less enthused by the news however; “While we appreciate the sentiment behind making Jane Austen physically transform into six-time WWF Champion, two-time Intercontinental Champion and four-time WWF Tag Team Champion Stone Cold Steve Austen on our nation’s currency, we don’t really think feel that this is a suitably fitting tribute to the author of Sense And Sensibility And Sea Monsters. A British wrestling champion, such as Big Daddy, Giant Haystacks or Kendo Nagasaki would have been a lot more appropriate given the circumstances” she told us.

As of going to press, the pound is currently worth 3:16 against the Euro. 

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