Amazon to train Animals to deliver your parcels

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The world's largest internet retailer, and tax avoiding giant, Amazon are rumored to be conducting secret trials using animals to deliver parcels to your doorstep.  An inside source has told The Rochdale Herald that all...

University of Burnley to offer a degree course in Fruit Picking.

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As part of the government's recently launched Fu*k Business initiative, the University of Burnley is offering a 5 Year degree course in fruit picking, including a year of 'On The Job' training. Ian Jaggs, speaking...
Lenny Henry

Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight

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Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

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The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland shouldn't have allowed Apple to pay less in tax than...
Money

Nigerian Prince perplexed no one wants free money

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Prince Terry Ojukwu III, of Nigeria, recently ran into financial difficulties when his bank fell into administration, leaving him just 24 hours to withdraw his money. However, because of the vast sum in his account,...

Pret A Manger have successfully poisoned more people this year than Vladimir Putin

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Pret a Manger have successfully poisoned more people in Britain in 2017-2018 than Vladimir Putin according to sources within the GRU. The news comes after a second customer succumbed to a deadly vegetarian rainbow flatbed...
Whiskey

Diageo to move Scotch Whisky production to Romania

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Inter galactic alcoholic drinks giant JoJo - Diageo is to close all of its Scotch Whisky distilleries in Scotland and move production to Romania, the company announced Friday. The company, generally referred to by it's traditional Scottish...

Waitrose appoint new Head of Egg Hiding

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Supermarket giant Waitrose today announced the appointment of Alex Bell as the new Head of Egg Hiding. Proudly the UK market leader in un-helpful shop lay-out and product camouflage, Waitrose have moved quickly in the...

Mecca Bingo rebrands as Bethlehem Number Snap

4
Britain's biggest bingo operator Mecca Bingo is to be rebranded "Bethlehem Number Snap" following pressure from right wing political groups a spokesman for Mecca's parent company The Rank Group, told The Rochdale Herald's weekly...

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

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HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got a membership at his golf club. The news follows the departure...

If the Irish don’t want Apple’s £11BN tell them we’ll have it – say...

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It transpires that North Sea Oil Revenues now contribute £60Million to the Scottish revenue pot, down from almost £13Billion a couple of years ago because you now sell a barrel of North Sea Oil...
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

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News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that Booths in Preston is planning the bold move to branch...
Ryanair

Ryanair confirm passengers to fly planes from 2020

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Troubled budget airline Ryanair today announced plans to ease their ongoing pilot strike issues by confirming they will now charge customers to fly their planes. With services still facing disruption, boss Michael O'Leary moved swiftly...

Reverse-only cars to propel American manufacturing forward

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It has been revealed that the Donald Trump administration plans to revitalise America’s former manufacturing heartland – the Rust Belt – with production of a new range of cars. The new machines will, initially, be...

Amnesty International condemn plans to open JD Sports Warehouse on Guantanamo Bay

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Amnesty International have written a strongly worded letter to the shareholders of JD Sports and the CIA urging them not to open a warehouse on the US base on Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. "Life is...

Global Markets panic as #BoycottEverything goes viral on Twitter

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Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and then disappear up it's own arse at any given moment. What's...

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