It has been revealed that once George Osborne takes up his post as Editor of the London Evening Standard, his importance to the global economy will have crossed a critical threshold.
Should Osborne take a single sick day, economists have determined that several key markets might crash and whole nations could be left teetering on the edge of a fiscal precipice.
The NHS today announced the formation of a special crash team of top doctors and surgeons to be held on constant alert, ready to react immediately should anything momentarily threaten George Osborne’s well being.
Doctor Ivan Tukutt, senior consultant at the Rochdale Community Hospital, explained that “The unfortunate fact is that George Osborne’s titanic work output has rendered him indispensable across all industries and businesses.”
Doctor Tukutt was asked if he thought it ironic that Osborne, having spent his entire political career trying to destroy the NHS and other public services, was going to become virtually a Ward of the State.
“Well that’s what happens when you live a life of such sheer fucking brilliance you literally become a National Treasure,” replied Tukutt. “I only hope that if serious treatment is required, the team aren’t so exhausted from working at their second jobs that they make some sort of fatal error.”
“Right, I’d best be off. We’ve got Happy Hour at ‘The Dog and Powerhouse’ in half an hour, and someone has to change the Stella barrel before we open up.”