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Government Announces National Nothing Day.

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From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day. Just about anything you can imagine, there’s a day for it;...
Chocolate

Theresa May outraged over plans to drop Great from Great Britain

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Chocolatiers are responding to Theresa May's ire this afternoon after "Great" was dropped from "Great Britain " in a number of confectionary products. From now on "Great Britain's Parliament Boiled Lollies" will simply be "Britain's...

Post Office denies responsibility for items lost in Post

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Today The Post Office officially denied responsibility for undelivered items getting lost in the postal system. Post Office spokespostie, Patrick Clifton, told The Herald; "It's the job of the sender to pay enough postage to reach...

Global Markets panic as #BoycottEverything goes viral on Twitter

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Capitalism is on the verge of a complete irreversible collapse top Economists revealed today with the entire system due to crash, burn, explode and then disappear up it's own arse at any given moment. What's...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually be truthmongering. The surprising intervention comes as new economic data strongly...

Reverse-only cars to propel American manufacturing forward

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It has been revealed that the Donald Trump administration plans to revitalise America’s former manufacturing heartland – the Rust Belt – with production of a new range of cars. The new machines will, initially, be...

Rochdale Set to Become Major Irony Exporter

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The irony mining industry in Rochdale, previously in serious decline, received a massive boost yesterday following the result of the US Presidential elections. Irony is a rarity in the USA and is almost non-existent in...

Surprise as men who rigged Tesco milk prices also rigged share prices

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Three Tesco directors are in court on fraud charges. The food-fancying fanatic (alleged) fraudsters have, it seems, been cooking the books as well as cooking all manner of tempting produce. The whiff of bullshit...

I am a Vagrant Get Me Out Of Here!

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Customers visiting a Tesco supermarket in Leytonstone, East London had a surprise when they were asked to pay £2 to step inside a “Santa's Grotto” tucked into a corner outside the supermarket.

Amazon to train Animals to deliver your parcels

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The world's largest internet retailer, and tax avoiding giant, Amazon are rumored to be conducting secret trials using animals to deliver parcels to your doorstep.  An inside source has told The Rochdale Herald that all...

EXCLUSIVE: Herald gets new iPhone info before the world’s press

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Today The Rochdale Herald has been a buzz all day with the news that we have a world exclusive about the new release from computing giant Apple. An inside source came across secret papers at...
Power Station

Tories not free market enough for money grabbing Conn man

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Some people in the Conservative Party don’t have blind and unquestioning faith in dogmatic free market bullshit, a rich bloke who charges people extortionate rates for power has claimed. Iain Conn (honestly, that’s not a...
Bank of England

Remain Voter Desperately Waiting for Pound to Die

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Due to an almost pathological desire to be proven correct, a Remain voter is obsessively checking the sterling exchange rate for signs of terminal illness. "A bad cold is all I see at the moment." The resident...
Vodafone

Fine isn’t a problem as we don’t pay tax says Vodafone

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Vodafone chief executive Nick Jeffrey has apologised to customers for its poor service after being fined £4.6 million by OFCOM. Mr Jeffrey said the fine was proportionate, and that as they've avoided paying a fair...
Drug paraphernalia

Is Bank of England endangering health of cocaine users

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A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan Webster 22, a cocaine fan from Rochdale, complained: "These new fivers...

New Voting System Ticks All The Wrong Boxes

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More controversy engulfed Rochdale Borough Council today as councillors in Rochdale's Labour run Balderstone and Kirkholt ward rolled out their new voting initiative just one day before the EU referendum. Dubbed DRS (an acronym standing...

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