Dogs die in hot cars

Irony strikes as Dogs Die In Hot Cars die in hot car

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With temperatures in Lancashire soaring above zero it's thought the band,...
Snow on Street

Completely expected and predictable weather causes travel disruption and chaos again

Britain prepares itself once again for total travel chaos and public service disruption, because of the completely predicable weather that is expected at this time of the year. Millions of people woke up this morning...
Family roast dinner

RSPCA urges pet owners to at least season with salt and pepper before leaving...

In the current heat wave the RSPCA has urged pet owners to undertake special precautionary measures when traveling with their furry friends this bank holiday weekend. "In this weather you should not be leaving a...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give a shit. A yellow weather alert warning of icy conditions from...
Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted by local councils as United Utilities has reported an increase...
Jeremy Hunt in the snow

Red Weather Warning as Conservative Politicians spotted with hands in own pockets

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...
Windy Out

It’s a bit windy out

People all over the UK who have ears and access to either a door or a window have confirmed that it's a bit windy outside. It wasn't windy earlier in the day but started to...

Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out

A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on Tyneside. 26-year-old hairdresser, Cheryl Weedy, revealed her new look on Thursday...

Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded it is still technically February 2016. "It looks like The British...
Man in rain

Northerner goes full day without talking about the weather

Storm Eleanor has battered the United Kingdom with wind of up to 100 miles power hour, damaging property, trees and causing storm risk warnings to go to orange and red. However a northern man...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian Bloke, 15, to leave his bedroom. His mother, Sharon Arkwright, 37,...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet of snow and all services breaking down. Despite having 4...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible day off work. As regular viewers of the Express & Star...

Britain WARNED to expect seasonally COLD WEATHER in winter AGAIN

The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is almost December for the billionth year in a row. The Met Office has warned Northern Ireland,...
Riot Police

Sweaty riot erupts in Leeds after Argos runs out of pedestal fans

As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are currently barricaded in Argos. It is believed the civil unrest started...

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