One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

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At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...

No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children

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Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...
Car Stuck in snow

Motorist who travelled during red weather alert furious car stuck on motorway for 15...

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There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15...
Dogs die in hot cars

Irony strikes as Dogs Die In Hot Cars die in hot car

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With...

Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts...

Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

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Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded...
Blizzard

Rest of world ceases activity so BBC can cover snow

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As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let...
Michael Fish

Michael Fish assures Virgin Island residents that “no hurricane on the way”

17
Famous weather broadcaster Michael Fish has moved to reassure British Virgin Island residents that there isn't going to be another hurricane hitting them. However he...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

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Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

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Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
Sunbathing woman

Homeworkers warned to wear suncream as UK heatwave intensifies

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With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who...
Man in warm coat

Hurricane Ophelia upgraded to category 5 after northern man zips up coat

22
Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry...

Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm

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Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight. It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...
Snow on Street

Completely expected and predictable weather causes travel disruption and chaos again

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Britain prepares itself once again for total travel chaos and public service disruption, because of the completely predicable weather that is expected at this...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

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Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...

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