Hurricane Ophelia upgraded to category 5 after northern man zips up coat
Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry...
Aging pop acts battle over who inspired Storm Caroline
As reports develop of the latest weather front to hit the UK, it appears that a storm is brewing in the music world that's...
Several million Irish sign petition to tie Bono to a fecking kite
The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks
A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite"...
Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned
People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts...
Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain
The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office.
A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm
Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight.
It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...
Council has enough grit
A council in the North of England is absolutely confident that this is the year that they have bought enough grit to salt the...
Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt
Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun
Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories'...
Britain surprised by arrival of snow for 8,000th year in a row
?Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold...
Completely expected and predictable weather causes travel disruption and chaos again
Britain prepares itself once again for total travel chaos and public service disruption, because of the completely predicable weather that is expected at this...
Sweaty riot erupts in Leeds after Argos runs out of pedestal fans
As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are...
Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend
Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning.
As millions of us check up on the...
Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian...
No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children
Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman.
With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast...
Michael Fish assures Virgin Island residents that “no hurricane on the way”
Famous weather broadcaster Michael Fish has moved to reassure British Virgin Island residents that there isn't going to be another hurricane hitting them.
However he...
