Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

0
Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

0
With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get used to the conditions.  Rochdale Community University's Department of Scrapping and...
Man in rain

Northerner goes full day without talking about the weather

0
Storm Eleanor has battered the United Kingdom with wind of up to 100 miles power hour, damaging property, trees and causing storm risk warnings to go to orange and red. However a northern man...
Family roast dinner

RSPCA urges pet owners to at least season with salt and pepper before leaving...

0
In the current heat wave the RSPCA has urged pet owners to undertake special precautionary measures when traveling with their furry friends this bank holiday weekend. "In this weather you should not be leaving a...
Red moon

Northerners scared by red moon consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

0
Looking outside last night millions of British citizens were confronted by the moon appearing enlarged and glowing a curious red. Whilst most people south of Chester remarked on its unusual appearance and took photos for...

Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts have confirmed. Following extensive research by experts at the Institute of...
BMW

You can’t skid if you don’t brake, confirm BMW drivers

0
One of Britain's leading self-proclaimed driving experts was kind enough to give the Herald some tips on how to drive safely in the snow. "Don't brake," said Fred Goodhead, North region sales director for Rochdale...

No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children

0
Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast all over the country children have unanimously agreed that they'd...
Rainy Day

Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle

0
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week. Prisoners in Siberian Gulags are expecting excessive lots of weather that can't quite...

Julian Assange makes the most of the hot weather by opening a window

12
Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

1
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has been described as a "monster fatberg" has been spotted in...

Aging pop acts battle over who inspired Storm Caroline

0
As reports develop of the latest weather front to hit the UK, it appears that a storm is brewing in the music world that's set to overshadow the race for Christmas Number One. It...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

0
Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian Bloke, 15, to leave his bedroom. His mother, Sharon Arkwright, 37,...

Northerners scared by red sun consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

33
Looking outside this morning millions of British citizens were confronted by an unusually shade of overcast and the sun glowing a curious red. Researchers from the Met Office say the unique colour was likely caused...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

0
Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that God hates the crooked Democrats!" tweeted Trump, melting the keypad...
Sunbathing woman

Homeworkers warned to wear suncream as UK heatwave intensifies

0
With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who work from home from sunstroke, a House of Commons report...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts