KFC

Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken

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As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

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Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...
BMW

You can’t skid if you don’t brake, confirm BMW drivers

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One of Britain's leading self-proclaimed driving experts was kind enough to give the Herald some tips on how to drive safely in the snow. "Don't...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

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As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

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Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...

British meteorologists blame wet August on an increase in cloud storage by Apple

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The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.

Julian Assange makes the most of the hot weather by opening a window

12
Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The...
Hurricane

God pisses himself laughing after sending hurricane named for Harvey Milk to wipe most...

34
God Almighty has reportedly pissed his pants laughing after sending a biblical flood to the most homophobic state in America in response to Donald...

Britain WARNED to expect seasonally COLD WEATHER in winter AGAIN

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The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is  December for the billionth year...
Man in warm coat

Hurricane Ophelia upgraded to category 5 after northern man zips up coat

22
Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry...
Shirtless fat man

For f*ck’s sake put a top on, men told

Men have been asked to put some clothes on because they really shouldn't be in the pub half naked.  Professor Gareth Linkeker of the Institute...

Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out

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A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

1
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...
Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

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The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

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Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...

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