UKIP call for Global Warming referendum

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called for a referendum to secure Britain's opt-out from Global Warming. "We...
snowstorm

Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...

The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...
Snow on Street

Completely expected and predictable weather causes travel disruption and chaos again

Britain prepares itself once again for total travel chaos and public service disruption, because of the completely predicable weather that is expected at this time of the year. Millions of people woke up this morning...
Jeremy Hunt in the snow

Red Weather Warning as Conservative Politicians spotted with hands in own pockets

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...

Julian Assange makes the most of the hot weather by opening a window

Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

After blowing 28 million pounds on Winter Olympics the UK grinds to halt after...

Peyongchang 2018 was the most successful Winter Olympics for team GB and just one day after the closing ceremony Britain has begun its annual mass panic as snow flakes have been spotted all over...
White Walkers

Army of White Walkers causing delays M1 Southbound

Drivers and commuters are facing another difficult day of delays and difficult journeys across the UK after a second night of freezing temperatures.  The Met Office has extended yellow warnings for snow and ice until...
US Military

Trump mobilizes Military to defend against Hurricane Irma with ‘fire and fury’

As hurricane Irma makes it's way west towards the coast of Florida, president Donald Trump has issued a declaration of war on the weather and has ordered the United States Army to defend Florida...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has been described as a "monster fatberg" has been spotted in...

Climate Change still insisting Donald Trump is a Chinese Conspiracy

Climate Change has today confirmed that it will continue on its promise to make the Weather Great Again despite the insistence from some it has no right to do so. “Donald Trump is fake...
Red moon

Northerners scared by red moon consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

Looking outside last night millions of British citizens were confronted by the moon appearing enlarged and glowing a curious red. Whilst most people south of Chester remarked on its unusual appearance and took photos for...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...
Sunshine

Cumbrian Man hospitalised after lethal exposure to Vitamin D

The recent weather worries in Cumbria worsened this morning, after 12 minutes of unseasonable partial sunshine exposed a fell walker to lethal levels of the rare nerve agent Vitamin D. With local post temperatures soaring to...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give a shit. A yellow weather alert warning of icy conditions from...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that God hates the crooked Democrats!" tweeted Trump, melting the keypad...

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