Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain
The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office.
A hosepipe ban has been enacted by local councils as United Utilities has reported an increase...
Irony strikes as Dogs Die In Hot Cars die in hot car
Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion.
With temperatures in Lancashire soaring above zero it's thought the band,...
It’s a bit windy out
People all over the UK who have ears and access to either a door or a window have confirmed that it's a bit windy outside.
It wasn't windy earlier in the day but started to...
No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children
Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman.
With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast all over the country children have unanimously agreed that they'd...
Britain surprised by arrival of snow for 8,000th year in a row
?Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold season.
"Every other country in Europe expects winter," said European Meteorologist...
Patio chair braces himself for Storm Brian
A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is brewing.
The white plastic chair, part of a set of four...
Britain urged to get used to winter
With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get used to the conditions.
Rochdale Community University's Department of Scrapping and...
Michael Fish assures Virgin Island residents that “no hurricane on the way”
Famous weather broadcaster Michael Fish has moved to reassure British Virgin Island residents that there isn't going to be another hurricane hitting them.
However he did say that whilst there was no hurricane coming “it...
Olympic Bobsled team advised not to drive to work because it’s a bit slippery...
After celebrating the amazing success of Team GB at the Winter Games, winning 5 medals at a cost of only £28 million, the whole of Britain was inspired to stay at home when it...
Rochdale Council to vote on plan to colour snow
Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area.
The Rochdale Multi-Cultural Planning Group have put forward the idea because they are worried...
Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian Gulags are expecting excessive lots of weather that can't quite...
2017 set to be hottest year on record
Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June.
Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department of Genocide, has this to say on the subject,
"Well since...
Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun
Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories' of a White Christmas and Snowball fights.
One parent who wished...
Cumbrian Man hospitalised after lethal exposure to Vitamin D
The recent weather worries in Cumbria worsened this morning, after 12 minutes of unseasonable partial sunshine exposed a fell walker to lethal levels of the rare nerve agent Vitamin D.
With local post temperatures soaring to...
Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt
Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet of snow and all services breaking down.
Despite having 4...
Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...
The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the...
