Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...

16
“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”
Queen and Philip

Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’

4
In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she...

Let’s get this over with Says Queen

5
Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness...
MEGHAN AND PRINCE HARRY

Great start for Meghan Markle as she manages to walk around slowly and wave

0
The future of the British monarchy, American Meghan Markle, has successfully negotiated her first official public engagement as she absolutely nailed walking slowly and...

Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving

27
The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will...

Daily Express readers desperately hoping new Royal baby is a ginger

0
Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and...

Nurses and Firemen organise whip-round to help pensioner do up her house

15
Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the...

It was straightforward shooting not sex, says Prince Andrew

0
Young girls were released into the Sandringham Estate and shot at as part of Ghislaine Maxwell's birthday celebrations, Prince Andrew has revealed. The Duke of...

Nicholas Witchell tasered during naked Prince Philip coup attempt

0
The BBC’s Royal correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, is currently under heavy sedation after attempting to storm the gates of Buckingham Palace. According to eyewitnesses, the journalist...

Buckingham Palace announces Prince Andrew to tour Paris road tunnels

0
Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Andrew will go on a state visit of Parisian road tunnels later this week. In a statement a spokesman...
Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

0
Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...

Prince Andrew self isolating in Windsor with Olivia-16

0
Following the news that Prince Charles has contracted Covid-19, The Rochdale Herald has learned that Prince Andrew is self isolating at his home in...
Queen

Queen shocked to discover she’s invested in Los Pollos Hermanos

0
The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

0
The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip denies sending Harry and Megan packet of mystery white powder

0
The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep...

Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise

14
Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers. "I heard that public...

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