National News

Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that means don't you? Christmas!" And "That's me done until January now lol....

Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s club on Tuesday afternoon showing a PowerPoint presentation to a...

Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think it's funny The Rochdale Herald sponsored me And are collecting lots of...

The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible day off work. As regular viewers of the Express & Star...

The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt. "A global deal was struck on harmful fridge gasses for Christ's...

Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

Prison authorities in the North West have announced an urgent investigation into why no prisons in the North West made it into the top 10 for acute violence. A spokesman said, "When you look at...

Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the flames by insinuating that their beloved figurehead Nicola "Wee Jimmy"...

Leave Means Leave, the new campaign group for bringing destitution and poverty onto the general UK populace have announced radical new plans to entice younger voters using discounts for Saga. One spokesman said, "After much...

Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way to London. A ceiling panel fell off as the train chugged...

Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones wasn't coping very well after the collapse of his rocky...

A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon. The once state of the art Sanyo integrated TV and VCR...

The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black Friday.  The campaign which urges people not to buy a single...

Jeremy Corbyn has found himself in a new antisemitism row. The row started following Mr Corbyn's announcement of the formation of Labour Party SS Divisions that will purge the party of antisemitic pockets. Mr Corbyn...

A Rochdale family who were due to fly with Ryanair to Alicante this week have had their flight cancelled. The family have told the Herald that contrary to what would be expected, they don't see...