National News

Arron Banks from Leave.EU has today clarified that he didn't finance the vote leave campaign that the Electoral Commission has found guilty of overspending during the EU referendum campaign. He is actually being investigated...

The political establishment was rocked today when new research conclusively proved that the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) contains more pricks than world famous darts champion Eric Bristow’s dart board. “While Bristow’s dart board contains hundreds...

We've all seen the stories. Hate crime has risen exponentially since some of the country voted to leave the EU. We decided to talk to one intolerant arsehole to get the lowdown on why...

A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley, lead beverage researcher at the University's world famous Brew Institute,...

Angela Merkel is reported to be ecstatic about spending the summer Interrailing with Michael Gove. Gove will be Interrailing as part of the Governments plans to sell Brexit to European leaders before they reject...

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black Friday.  The campaign which urges people not to buy a single...

Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the flames by insinuating that their beloved figurehead Nicola "Wee Jimmy"...

Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest. The cause of these protests appears to be a misunderstanding over the initials...

A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying "no one would have batted an eyelid if I wasn't a bloke" Mark Ranley, from Doncaster, was criticised on...

Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...

A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon. The once state of the art Sanyo integrated TV and VCR...

Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined taste are bracing themselves for months of impenetrable chatter. "What did...

Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way to London. A ceiling panel fell off as the train chugged...

Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing propaganda down our throats. "Well, he looks like someone who knows...

Yesterday, far off of anyone's radar and while the teacup storm over Jeremy Corbyn's recent train journey reached stratospheric new heights, the UK government swiftly unveiled plans to begin construction work on Rockall to...