National News

Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think it's funny The Rochdale Herald sponsored me And are collecting lots of...

The vote leave campaign have today received a stern glare and a verbal ticking off for cheating at the village fete tombola. It turns out they bought one ticket, pulled every ticket out of the...

In the face of a shareholder revolt, retail giant Sports Direct is to drag its working practices kicking and screaming into the 1920's.  Following a damning house of commons committee review and several exposés by...

Tim Farron has been left looking sheepish in his chair after Andrew Neil cancelled the Liberal Democrat leader's interview just moments into the opening statement. Neil interrupted Farron and said "Why should anyone listen to you? You're party...

In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she forgot to say 'strong and stable'. The shock announcement from Downing...

The BBC and ITV are to defy Conservative Party wishes and air live debates between participating parties before the upcoming June election. An inside source at Downing Street has told the Herald, "Theresa has locked...

Jeremy Corbyn has found himself in a new antisemitism row. The row started following Mr Corbyn's announcement of the formation of Labour Party SS Divisions that will purge the party of antisemitic pockets. Mr Corbyn...

Brexiteers have demanded the Government grant settled status to cognitive dissonance. The demands come as many companies that employ lots of people in Britain threaten to turn project fear into project reality. Brexiteer Cliff Edge...

Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle ticket in the next week. The surprising decree has been issued...

British roadside dining legends Little Chef have decided to make all their breakfasts, including their famous ‘All Day Breakfast’, entirely pork-free following a campaign by ‘hooded foreigners’ who accused them of discrimination and uncleanliness. The...

With todays news that the Calais Jungle has been cleared of filthy asylum seekers, the ramshackle dwellings have immediately been occupied by an even more dreadful people with beards called 'Noddlers'. These horrific trend setters,...

The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather of the season. It seems in spite of it being cold...

Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet so that he can clean up at the next election,...

A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with a single red sock. Steve Dickinson let a single red sock...

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...

Kensington palace said the breeding pair were “delighted” to be adding to their lounge and already have two hatchlings: Prince George, four, and his younger sister Charlotte, two.