Yesterday, far off of anyone’s radar and while the teacup storm over Jeremy Corbyn’s recent train journey reached stratospheric new heights, the UK government swiftly unveiled plans to begin construction work on Rockall to build homes for displaced immigrants.

The area of “outstanding natural beauty”, just off the coast of Great Britain is set to become a haven for as many as 6000 immigrants from North Africa and the Middle East.

The government have brokered a deal with one of Britain’s leading property developers to erect 14 high rise luxury apartment blocks and approximately 300 new houses, all with off road parking and stunning sea views, with work set to be complete by the end of 2017.

Although the move has been welcomed by many liberals, it has also prompted anger and outrage from some UK citizens.
When asked about the plans, Margaret from Barking said, “I think it’s utterly disgusting what they’re doing. What about all the homeless English people then? And all those stray dogs and cats that need somewhere to live too!”

Mitch, an unemployed armchair activist from Hammersmith said, “Who do they think they are, ay? All coming over ‘ere and thinking they can take over. Well, I wont settle for it, coz it’s the taxpayers who are left out of pocket. They’re taking liberties and it’s proper out of order”.

The government claim the plans will create hundreds of new jobs when work begins in early October and many more jobs if their plans to create ferry links to the mainland get the go ahead.

Even more work which will inevitably be generated by local commerce as Rockall becomes more and more populated will also bolster the local economy and being just a stones throw from HMNB Clyde, there’ll be no shortage of potential employees to choose from as Trident renewal gets underway nearby.

A couple of leaders from far right groups in the UK had a lot to say, but we’re not interested in the noises they’re making, whereas representatives from both The National Trust and the Nature Conservancy Council declined to comment.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.