National News

Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry of leaves and zipping his coat up, the Met Office...

Looking outside this morning millions of British citizens were confronted by an unusually shade of overcast and the sun glowing a curious red. Researchers from the Met Office say the unique colour was likely caused...

The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite" is now the most popular petition of Irish origins on...

There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed Massive Mohammed permission to bong during the religious festival of...

In a world first a group of lads from Rochdale have posed the question, "why can't we just do something civilised and get a good night's sleep" when asked what they should do for...

Theresa May has announced that the UK will be leaving the Eurofighter Programme immediately. BAE Systems will be closing its Eurofighter factory in the North West with the loss of 2,000 jobs the firm...

A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards. The survey which was carried out by Which Pet magazine has proven conclusively that all...

The Rochdale Herald understands that award winning actress Helen Mirren will impersonate the Queen should President Trump's proposed state visit to the UK go ahead. A senior Buckingham Palace source revealed the decision came after...

Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed his long held suspicions that his pet cat is a died in the wool, cast iron Tory. Corbyn first suspected that his not so faithful feline friend was...

A new survey of social attitudes out earlier today has revealed that Torquay has turned into the Hate Capital of the UK overnight after groups of xenophobic, racist and ultra-right wing political activists gathered...

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...

The Welsh national Assembly has announced plans for Cardiff to be available in colour from 2022. Cardiff will be the first City in Wales to offer full coverage in colour. The announcement was made...

The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years. John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said, "We have a unique set of circumstances this year that...

Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet so that he can clean up at the next election,...

Buckingham Palace sources have reported that the Queen is currently trying to decide which of her Corgis to shoot first should Jeremy Corbyn be elected Prime Minister. One of our sources, speaking on condition of...

David David MP, the Minister for Local Government was forced into the public gaze today to confirm that G4S has been awarded the coveted contract to monitor domestic waste disposal inside peoples' homes. The groundbreaking...