Theresa May has announced that the UK will be leaving the Eurofighter Programme immediately. BAE Systems will be closing its Eurofighter factory in the North West with the loss of 2,000 jobs the firm says.

The loss of so many highly skilled jobs would, under normal circumstances, be a matter of great concern both in terms of the short-term economic effect and the longer-term loss of the sovereign capability to create leading edge defence equipment.

However, Mrs May has moved quickly to reassure the Nation that ‘The Northern Powerhouse’ will swing swiftly and seamlessly into action by announcing the creation of the Leyland Daf Brexit Fighter.

Mrs May said ‘We are proud to have so many highly skilled Engineers, Designers and Scientists in the UK and we will forge ahead together.

“Obviously most of them will end up with a job that involves a ladder and a bucket” she continued “or making sandwiches.”

BAE’s Chief Executive, Charles Woodburn, said the job cuts would take place in the next two years and that it wanted to achieve as many voluntary emigrations as possible. He himself was ‘bailing out of this shit-show’ as quickly as possible and ‘if anyone wanted to join him on the last bus out of town’ they were more than welcome to join him, although that would probably leave them stranded in Preston.

The state of the art new plane will be code-named Project May-hem and could be in service by 2019. However, it will most likely get cancelled when Theresa May does, just before Christmas.