National News

UKIP members are cock-a-hoop at the news that leader Gerald Batman has engaged the services of Tommy Robinson to advise on grooming gangs. "This is fantastic news" said UKIP voter Cornelius Hardthrasher. "Our quest to...

Drivers all over the UK are wondering where the hell that one car with snow on it has come from. "Where on Earth has that car come from?" All the other drivers on the road...

Dreadful arseholes everywhere have applauded Oxfam staff for providing them with their latest bout of self-justification. Graham Ruddington, 47, who has both used and supplied prostitutes during the course of his career as a City...

An Emergency meeting was called at Buckingham palace earlier this week after the penny dropped with Prince Philip in regards to Brexit and complications with European immigration "Oh bollocks, I'm Greek and she's German, what if they send...

The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give. Office manager James Harding, 38, ran out of fucks last night following the Government’s defeat of...

A leaked copy of the Conservative Party's election manifesto has revealed plans to crackdown on 'luxury' items being handed out to those forced to attend at food banks. The policy is believed to have been...

Disgraced mother-of-two Barbara Dickinson, from Rochdale was disgusted with herself yet again today, after eating through another tub of Halloween themed Starmix.  Mrs Dickinson has prudently stocked the house with family sized packs of Haribo...

The Government is to tell young people that they should move away from urban centers in order to pay less rent. With rents increasing in many areas where jobs are plentiful rent is now taking...

Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping. "If I start shopping at noon that gives me an hour to buy gifts for...

The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now cost you both legs below the knee and a second-class...

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that 4,600 people being made redundant at Rolls Royce was on a different bus to the one that they saw. Cliff Edge said, "You can't say that company...

The wartime diary of Anne Frank has been found to contain a script for the pilot episode of Mrs. Brown's Boys. Recent imaging analysis of the diary, which was maintained by the Jewish teenager from...

A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being processed from January of this year. Researchers have attributed the findings...

The people of Tyneside reacted defiantly to the latest so-called Islamic State threat and vowed to defeat radicalisation in all its forms, particularly weather manipulation. Following a recent Daily Express article, in which the reporter...

A Rochdale Momentum member has told us that claims of anti-Semetism made by Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mervis are proof that there is a media conspiracy against the Labour Party. "In no way is there anti-Semetism...

Diners in a Milnrow curry house were astonished as the 45th (and probably last) President of the USA stopped an armed bandit carrying out a knifepoint robbery. Dhansak enthusiast Simon Dhansak said "I was in...