National News

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...

Some wise men have today hit back at a high street bakers claiming that their 'Foot-Long Sausage Roll' creates unrealistic expectations about baked goods. Joseph, a carpenter and part time donkey jockey, explained. "At...

Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered suitcase, duffel coat, and love of marmalade, seemed like the...

Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of rectal gas failed, when the unfortunate employee popped. The worker -...

A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused some consternation in Rochdale. The sticker appeared in the back window...

Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box. There was nearly a breakout in 1987 when Chico the twat had...

After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President in secret. Hair Force 1 arrived at Buckingham Palace just after...

A group of American tourists are threatening to sue a Birmingham hotel , after claiming that the owners have exposed them to humiliation and ridicule.   The group from New York, all in their sixties, left...

Did we just adjust the clocks so that it is dark by the time kids come home from school, and then teach them to knock on strangers' doors in the hope of sweets?  What...

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all letters will have to go through a GCHQ censor, re-education...

World leaders, academics, leading  scientists and philosophers made the decision at a secret summit in Denver Colardo yesterday. Simon Johnson, a leading Economist and auther said;  "2016 has been a global nightmare, both financially and in...

Theresa May has announced that the UK will be leaving the Eurofighter Programme immediately. BAE Systems will be closing its Eurofighter factory in the North West with the loss of 2,000 jobs the firm...

Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty...

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars. 8 year old Freedom Snowphish said, "Last year they got me a carob calendar. It was...

Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her husband, who had been digging in his allotment, slipped on...

With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who work from home from sunstroke, a House of Commons report...