National News

A former Scotland Yard detective has told the Rochdale herald he was "shocked" by the amount of legal pornography viewed on a computer seized from the Commons office of senior Tory MP Lewis Neil examined...

According to widespread reports somebody on Instagram has only gone and poached an egg.  Rumours are spreading that the egg poacher may have in fact poached two concurrently and placed them artistically on some wilted...

Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on Brexit displayed a stunning lack of self awareness. National Grid confirmed...

Indeed, not one instance was found of a non-racist comment following "I'm not a racist, but."

Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast all over the country children have unanimously agreed that they'd...

Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE) 1984 has been updated to include a right to dispense...

Insect repellent sold out today as the temperature north of the border rose above zero, Spring sprang and Edinburgh played host to the annual swarms of midges. The usual plague was worsened after the...

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With temperatures in Lancashire soaring above zero it's thought the band,...

A Tommy Robinson supporter from Rochdale has told of his disappointment at discovering London isn't a Muslim no-go area dominated by Sharia Law. Cliff Edge told us, "I'd gone prepared. I was wearing my sunglasses...

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed, among the membership of right-wing groups. Doctor Jean Splicer, 42, has...

A man arrested for what police have described as a "horrific anti-Semitic attack" on the London Underground on Friday has said he was just reading the Labour Party manifesto to some children. Counsel for the...

The Scottish government has confirmed that children will no longer be able to use Smack in Scotland. The move would make the country the first region in the UK to make it completely illegal for...

Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered suitcase, duffel coat, and love of marmalade, seemed like the...

Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of rectal gas failed, when the unfortunate employee popped. The worker -...

Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC. Mr. Henry was the face of Premier Inn for several years, until a loop...

Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis, for us to be clear that not all white twats...