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Exepress

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Ex-nuclear scientist showing classic signs of radiation overdose. Wrote pantomimes till someone shouted that I was behind them. Believe in luck at first sight. Guinness Book of records for sucking ends of pencils. Brilliant at putting off doing things. Can witter on for ages . . . . . and ages . . . . .

DON’T PANIC! The weather is still shit.

After weeks of hail, freezing temperatures, snow drifts, closed motorways and cancelled trains, the prospect of a mild few days at the beginning...

Edinburgh caught in grip of Calamine lotion shortage as midge season starts

Insect repellent sold out today as the temperature north of the border rose above zero, Spring sprang and Edinburgh played host to the annual...

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