Theresa May announces Leyland Daf to build next generation Brexit-fighter in Preston

Theresa May has announced that the UK will be leaving the Eurofighter Programme immediately. BAE Systems will be closing its Eurofighter factory in the North West with the loss of 2,000 jobs the firm...

Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all letters will have to go through a GCHQ censor, re-education...

Revealed: GCHQ Toaster Hack Turns Leavers Into Remainers…

An exclusive Herald investigation has revealed the extent to which the government's monitoring agency GCHQ can manipulate public opinion through the hacking of common household appliances. Following news that GCHQ was involved in helping Obama...

Britain is a sitting duck claims defence chief

In the face of rumoured cuts to defence spending, Sir Nick Carter The Chief of the General Staff, today warned of Russia's 'eye-watering' military capabilities, and demanded that the government better prepares for...

Navy admiral rejects job because he can spot a sinking ship when he sees...

The controversy over the U.S. National Security Advisor position continues as Trump’s most recent nominee for the position, retired vice admiral Robert S Harward, rejected the appointment.  Harward stated that he felt that the administration, much like a...
Remote pointing at TV

GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK

WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on national security. A GCHQ spokesman said that operation Weeping Angel has...
Marine A

Marine A tired of catchphrase ‘shuffle off this mortal coil you c*nt’

The soldier formerly know as "Marine A" has finally been released following his time served for slaughtering an injured enemy combatant and recording his crime in full audio and video. But he has complained the media...

Nuclear war could be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry

A globally devastating nuclear war could prove to be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry, the UK's Secretary of State for International Trade, former Secretary of State for Defence, and enthusiastic poultry...

Picture yourself in their shoes

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Christmas moved to November 12th

Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst British frontline troops as the piece of kit you can't...

Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’

An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to the chewing gum company Trident, a branch of confectionery empire...

French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter

France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an event featuring President Francois Hollande. The shot was fired from a...

Chinese cardboard rocket manufacturers report bumper earnings following Korean military parades

Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been an amazing quarter to be honest," Chinese factory owner Sum...

Vexatious Claims: A Rochdale Herald Guide

The government says it wants to dodge certain bits of the European Convention On Human Rights because of an "Industry of false and vexatious claims" against British soldiers who served in places like Iraq...

British Firewall totally not about censorship and spying, says head of spying and censorship...

GCHQ, the British spy agency that is regularly exposed for bugging our phones and nicking our online data to spy on us, has announced that it wants what is being called a Great British...

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