Trump Supporters

Trump recorded saying “Trump Supporters are fat, racist white trash”

‘Rumours that Donald Trump described his legions of supporters as "obese trailer park trash" and "uneducated fucking idiots" are yet to be confirmed.
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...
Donald Trump

President Trump’s hairpiece flown over Korean peninsula in B-1 bomber

It was reported this evening that President Donald Trump’s golden hairpiece has been flown over the Korean peninsula in a B-1 Bomber as a direct response to North Korea’s latest ballistic missile test. The Trump...

May to wear codpiece and alpha male pig hormone for Trump meeting

In a bid to protect from pussy grabbing and give the impression of a large penis and aura of dominance, Theresa May will today be dressing to impress. Heads will certainly roll, turn I mean...
Mechanic

‘The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a car, is a...

"You want this sort of thing to happen less often? You don’t need to ban cars, you need to ban piece of sh*t, Nazi-sympathising, race-hating, white supremacist assh*les from marching through city streets with burning torches," said one Antifa protestor.
Donald Genius Trump

Fat bottomed ape learns to mimic human sounds

Washington DC - A seventy year primitive primate that can mimic human words such as hello, bigly, braggadocios, and covfefe is thought to be the first of its kind to be elected to the...

Spicer denies Flynn worked as National Security Advisor, Trump demands Flynn’s birth certificate

The Trump administration has attempted to erase any indication that Michael Flynn, a retired U.S. General and former National Security Advisor for the administration, worked in his position or even existed.  At a press conference on February 14,...
Trump Walking

Trump to visit Texas just as soon as the golf courses have been reopened

Donald Trump has announced he intends to visit areas of Texas affected by flooding just as soon as the cleaning operation on Texan golf courses is complete. In a tweet Trump said, "Wow. Just had confirmation...
Russophobia

Russia accuse Boris of hysterical Russophobia

Russia has responded to Boris Johnson's accusations of war crimes by counter-accusing the British government and Boris in particular of 'Russophobia.' Despite what one may assume, this is not the fear of trendy young comedians...

David Brent to sing Equality Street at Trump Inauguration

Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.
Space Rocket

Audi driver becomes first in space after tailgating Tesla into orbit

A Rochdale man has become the first Rochdale resident to go into space. Ted Skeat, 48 achieved the feat by tailgating a Tesla car on the back of a rocket Elon Musk sent into space...
Donald Genius Trump

Donald Trump shits on White House floor after learning Obama uses toilets

News is emerging this morning that Donald Trump has started defecating on the floor like a dog after learning that Barack Obama uses toilets. Several cleaners in the White...

Trump’s Wall to be Made Out of Thoughts and Prayers

The latest twist in the ongoing farcical shitshow that is the US President's attempt to build an completely pointless wall simply because he said he would, in order to trick idiots into voting for...

President Trump to ‘grab May by the pussy’

Donald Trump may touch the UK prime minister's vagina in their first private meeting, the president has tweeted. The straw-haired misogynist wrote, "Excited to meet the UK's PM today. We're going to talk about a...
Justice

Britain plans Brexit trade deal ‘perverts for peace’

Following the embarrassment of the spectacular failure of a hideously expensive program to rehabilitate sex offenders, Ministry of Justice officials are arranging study visits to Middle-Eastern countries to learn new methods  to prevent reoffending,...
Bob Geldof

Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...

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