EU designates British cockwombles “endangered species”

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Indigenous British cockwombles have been given official European Union "endangered species" designation as their numbers have plummeted due to loss of habitat to invasive foreign sock puppets. The new listing makes it illegal for residents...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

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Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged in his favourite pastime of debating politics on social media...

Hammond to Create National Hoard

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In advance of Brexit negotiations Phillip Hammond is to bury all of the country's wealth in a hole in the ground. The hole, believed to be planned for a field in Staffordshire, will include the...

UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations

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The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a spokesman for the Agency confirmed to the Rochdale Herald Monday. The...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

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A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...
Union flag with "Brexit" ove it

‘MPs Must Respect Democracy’ Demand People With Negligible Grasp Of Democracy

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MPs from all parties and from all areas of Britain are being called upon by smug triumphalists to deliver a near unanimous vote in favour of triggering Article 50. "Stands to reason, dunnit?" said Kevin...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

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In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article 50 to the European Court of Justice. "The sovereignty of the...

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

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In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.

Spirit of 2016 alive and well after gunman dressed as Santa kills dozens in...

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2017 is already showing great promise as a dreadful, awful parody of a year following a shootout between police officers possibly disguised as Santa Claus and a gunman disguised as Santa Claus in Turkey.
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

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Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.

ACEA: No U-Turn on Right-hand Drive Cars

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The European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA: Association des Constructeurs Européens d'Automobiles) looks set to cease the production of right-hand drive vehicles by mid-2019. The decision comes after months of debate amongst its members, which include...
Santa

The ‘Santa Clause’ prevents Article 50 from being triggered experts warn

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In a massive blow to the government, German lawyer Rudolph Shnitz has highlighted a clause in section 4 of article 38 dubbed 'The Santa Clause'. Mr. Shnitz said "The clause was added in 1998 and...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.
Home Office

Home Office To Issue Migrants With Wearable Documentation

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EU nationals currently living in the UK will require documents confirming their right to remain in the country post-Brexit, the Home Office has announced. Speaking to the House of Commons, Amber Rudd explained that they...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

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After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in detail, the term means.  Deputy Minister for Brexitty Things, Raymond Sister...

Britain to join new ‘European Federation’ after Brexit

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EXCLUSIVE: With Britain poised to trigger Article 50 and put the wheels irreversibly in motion to finally leave the European Union, a leaked home office email reveals government plans post Brexit. The email, which was forwarded...

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