4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays
HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got...
Donald Trump to appoint Mr Muscle™ as his new Coronavirus advisor
In a move that has been described as both "batshit crazy" and "utterly, utterly mental", US President Donald Trump has revealed plans to appoint...
Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower
IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted. One fist from a pensioner...
‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...
Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Knackered dam describes Boris Johnson as looking ‘dodgy and unstable’
A knackered dam in Derbyshire has described the UK prime minister as looking "dodgy but unstable" and a "substantial risk".
The dam in Whaley Bridge...
Scientists warn firing Formula 1 grid girls will lead to increase in race related...
Science - In a leaked Sport England research paper, several sports scientists have warned over the removal of the usual checks and balances deployed...
UK is an American Prison according to Alex Jones
The UK is a gigantic American prison according to balding conspiracist and radio gob Alex Jones- and Rochdale is the proof.
The 42 year old-...
Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth
Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...
Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people
Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people.
One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...
Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather
Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat...
Man Wastes Full Day watching repeats of Come Dine with Me
Distraught butcher Brendan Slaughter from Wigan was mortified to learn that it was 9:00pm last Sunday night when he had work at 5:00am.
"I was...
Labour, the Social DEMOCRATIC Party, takes more steps to prevent undesirables from voting
The National Executive Committee of the Labour Party has announced today that only those to the right of Tony Blair will be permitted to...
Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo
Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at...
A1 renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway
The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special'...
World Health Organisation upgrades five-second rule to three seconds rule
The World Health Organisation has taken the unprecedented step of upgrading the five-second rule to just three seconds.
As the deadly Coronavirus pandemic sweeps the...
Anglican bishop changes Facebook relationship status to – it’s complicated
Bishop of Grantham Nicholas Chamberlain this morning changed his Facebook relationship to: "it's complicated!" Although being in a relationship with a man he stresses...
