Catholic Priests in Ampleforth School Kiddy Fiddling Shocker

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In shock revelations that will shake the Roman Catholic Church to its very foundations, stories are emerging alleging child sex abuses and so called...

Man fakes own death to avoid helping mum set up new iPhone

A Rochdale man has been found alive and well living in Panama after apparently faking his own death in a canoeing accident at Greenbooth...
Delivery Driver

Firms reports record customer satisfaction levels after using cocaine delivery gang to deliver parcels

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Delivery firms that specialise in not delivering your parcels have reported a huge increase in customer satisfaction levels. The news comes following the companies use...

Religious leader applauds honour killing in US

A religious leader in the US has taken to social media to applaud the heroic martyrdom of a mother shot by police after executing...

World Health Organisation upgrades five-second rule to three seconds rule

The World Health Organisation has taken the unprecedented step of upgrading the five-second rule to just three seconds. As the deadly Coronavirus pandemic sweeps the...

Entire Tory Party arrested in clampdown on middle class cocaine users

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The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users. PC Drug-Bust...

There should be a free press like that Iranian TV channel I work for,...

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Jeremy Corby has announced plans to shake up the media and make it more sympathetic to him and the Labour Party going forward. The...

Night tube wonderful, say apprentice journalists through gritted teeth 

Scores of young, underpaid trainee journalists have been drowsily typing up their reviews of the night tube over the last two mornings as their...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum

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"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...

Clean-shaven white van man obviously failed by mental health services

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A clean-shaven, white man has been arrested outside a Mosque in Finsbury, London, after his van veered off the road and directly into eleven...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

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The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan...

Armed Republican men protesting being told what do with their bodies

Heavily armed pro-life nitwits across America have taken to the streets in protest in being told to stay at home to save lives. The crowds...

Joe Swanson elected leader of the Liberal Democrats

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The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative...

Win Win Win with The Herald! We are giving away year’s free membership to...

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That's right it's not a typo, we are feeling generous today at The Herald after an out of court settlement with them southern softies...
New Year Eve Party

Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone

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Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...

Standard government response to petitions revealed to be – F&@k off Plebs

The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be: "It's...

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