Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously

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According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously. Following continuous delays...

Disabled man fails to interrupt true love’s wedding due to stairs

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A man has expressed his disappointment at his inability to interrupt the wedding of the woman he loves due to lack of wheelchair access. David...

Danczuk not immolated in Bonfire accident

Rochdale Herald readers will be disappointed to hear that the rumours that pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk MP immolated himself lighting a bonfire in July...

Entire Tory Party arrested in clampdown on middle class cocaine users

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The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users. PC Drug-Bust...

4,000 job cuts at HSBC after Columbian drug cartels move accounts to Barclays

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HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got...

Poll shows only 20% of American 7-year-olds believe in Donald Trump

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A survey conducted by the Maryland Institute of Toddlerdom (MIT) yesterday proved that while 60 per cent of 7 year olds in the USA...

Catholic Priests in Ampleforth School Kiddy Fiddling Shocker

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In shock revelations that will shake the Roman Catholic Church to its very foundations, stories are emerging alleging child sex abuses and so called...

Boris Johnson gets into Christmas spirit by ordering massive census and slaughter of children

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Boris Johnson has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of...

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

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A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the...
New Year Eve Party

Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone

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Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...
Couple with dog

Season your pets before leaving them in a hot car

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do With temperatures hitting 30°C across the nation, dog owners have been warned to pay special attention to their four legged friends. Each year the RSPCA...
Theresa May

Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza

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"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...

Rochdale RHS Britain in Bloom judges catch a Bellsprout

Members of the RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) were visiting Rochdale this week as part of the judging of the North West in Bloom competition. Each...

Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...

No binary education says May

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded new education reforms by telling us that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...

Armed Republican men protesting being told what do with their bodies

Heavily armed pro-life nitwits across America have taken to the streets in protest in being told to stay at home to save lives. The crowds...

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