Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum
"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...
Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo
Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at...
Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower
IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted. One fist from a pensioner...
Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text
In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message.
The victory follows the incredible shift...
UKIP Chairman claims “to play the piano in a whorehouse” on dating website
The Chairman of UKIP has been caught red faced after lying about his occupation on a dating site.
Paul Oakden claimed to "play a piano...
Far Right groups threaten to tear down statues of Prophet Mohammed
Far right groups have pledged to tear down all statues of the Prophet Mohammed following the recent scoop in the Daily Express that the...
Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...
As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow...
Posh people forced to talk about football while England still in World Cup
Ex-Public School boys and Hooray Henry's are having to talk about football and they aren't enjoying it. Whether they're at work, on the golf...
The Big Fat Secret Santa Update – 1,024 presents in first 24 hours
Yesterday we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network and Angry People in...
Knackered dam describes Boris Johnson as looking ‘dodgy and unstable’
A knackered dam in Derbyshire has described the UK prime minister as looking "dodgy but unstable" and a "substantial risk".
The dam in Whaley Bridge...
Emmanuel Macron meets Boris Johnson to tell him to fuck off in person
Following a hectic fortnight of being booed in Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and the children's ward in a Cornish Hospital, Prime Minister Boris Johnson...
Electoral Reform Society mislays dictionary
The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them...
Ecuadorian Ambassador contacts No. 10 “We are here if you need us”
The Ecuadorian embassy has reached out to 10 Downing Street from its Knightsbridge address to tell Ms May, "We are here if you need us".
The...
Prince Philip spends night lying on coat of arms on hospital floor
The ninety seven-year-old Duke of Edinburgh who has suspected flu was forced to sleep on a hospital treatment room floor because of a lack...
Physicists discover Brexit actually a black hole that feeds on political parties
The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel.
The...
Joe Swanson elected leader of the Liberal Democrats
The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative...
