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A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'. Usually opting for an IPA, Guinness or Craft Beer, rather than a fruity cider,...

24 hours after we exclusively revealed that beards were still cool, the International Facial Hair Council has declared that beards are no longer the hip thing to sport on your chin. Jules Light told the...

The Electoral Reform Society has admitted they've lost the Collins Gem dictionary they had lying around the office a few weeks ago, making them unable to check the definition of the word "Lies". This...

Producers of smash-hit and hugely relevant TV show Big Brother have announced a new twist for 2019....actual celebrities will enter the Big Brother house for the first time. The show, available ad nauseam on Channel...

A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor of the paper, and will replace Geordie Greig later this...

The ninety seven-year-old Duke of Edinburgh who has suspected flu was forced to sleep on a hospital treatment room floor because of a lack of brand new, un-used gold-leaf beds with swan-down pillows and...

As far as flash in the pan fashion trends go the 2015-2016 beard pandemic appears to be showing no sign of relenting with sales of beards and lumberjack accessories continuing to soar. The forecast is...

The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring in measures to delay the spread of coronavirus in the...

Jeremy Rhymes-With has ordered the gargantuan and wealthy NHS to enact its Black Death emergency plan. Most of the staff were just weaving baskets anyway while watching television and waiting to see which public service...

People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS treatments as of Christmas 2020. "Obviously healthcare is going to be...

Science - In a leaked Sport England research paper, several sports scientists have warned over the removal of the usual checks and balances deployed by boring sports to keep men in check. "Removing grid girls,...

Die hard Britain First members have today confirmed that there is absolutely no point in trying to get them to change their opinions by showing them truth, or using logic and reasoning. We spoke...

Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the chain of pandering to the, "PC...

Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a fridge in a hospital in Leeds. With shocking fowl language, a...

The popular ex-policeman is predicted to cause almost as many people to support the Lib Dems as the leaders of the Labour and Conservative parties.  Swanson has appeal across the political spectrum: "Well, he's a...

Prince Philip has been declared fit for work by Atos less than an hour after he was admitted to hospital yesterday. Officials said "that despite being 97 years old, clearly frail and probably bonkers...