Chequers agreement shreds itself

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Michel Barnier has revealed that the sole copy of the latest version of the Chequers agreement shredded itself in his office yesterday. "I popped out...

Davis defends sub Euro pound

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Minister for Brexiteers, David Davis, has reported that people only getting 90 cents to the Pound is proof that everything is going well...

Tim Farron’s Andrew Neil interview cancelled for Bake off

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Tim Farron has been left looking sheepish in his chair after Andrew Neil cancelled the Liberal Democrat leader's interview just moments into the opening statement. Neil interrupted...
Theresa May Converse

Theresa May won’t let Brit Gas 12.5% price hike ruin her hiking holiday

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What could be scarier than millions of ageing Brexit backers being hit with a massive energy bill increase right when May's taking enough heat trying to turn her policy fantasies into reality? And especially when she's previously mentioned an energy price cap but now doesn't really want to talk about it again in case she has to do something.
Champagne Socialist

“Are we middle class?” Ask champagne swilling corbynistas

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A group of friends from Rochdale have come to the horrible realisation that they maybe middle class. Julian "Trotsky" Bennett told us, "We're committed to...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

May to seek permission from Rupert Murdoch to sack Boris Johnson

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The Rochdale Herald can reveal this afternoon that Theresa May is alleged to have written to British Prime Minister Rupert Murdoch seeking permission to...

Theresa May wins ‘Person Most Surprised Theresa May is Prime Minister’ Award seventh week...

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Theresa May is said to be thrilled this morning to have won the all party "Person Most Surprised Theresa May is still Prime Minister...
Beach

Government votes to go on holiday early after solving all UK’s problems

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Members of parliament have overwhelmingly voted to bring their summer break forward as a reward for having solved all of the UK's problems. The...

50 Shades of Grey author denies responsibility for Tory surge

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The author of the '50 Shades' series of erotic novels, E.L. James, has dismissed allegations that she is responsible for the public's increasing desire...

Former KGB thug Is UKIP leader’s hero

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Diane James, former Transvision Vamp singer current UKIP führer, says Vladimir Putin is one of her political heroes.  Speaking on The Sunday Politics, the Dot...

Corbyn supporters call for reselection of Copeland constituency

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After Labour's marginal win in Stoke and devastating Loss in Copeland by elections, Left wing Labour supporters are calling for reselection of the constituency. Speaking to disappointed...

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

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Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
Boris Johnson

Asda Self-service checkout till beats Boris Johnson at Scrabble

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Scientists from Rochdale College have developed an artificially intelligent self service till that beat Boris Johnson at Scrabble.  Dr Frederick Seddon said, "We were wanting...

Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote

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UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to...

Ringmaster May’s Brexit circus will tour till 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten

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It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless...

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