There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson’s statistics

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UK Statistics Authority have reaffirmed the old adage today that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Boris Johnson's use of...
David Davis

David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment

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David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done...
School class

PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL

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Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons. Many parents believe that forcing their children...

Satirist sues CNN for stealing Trump Headline

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The Rochdale Herald has issued a cease and desist letter to CNN after they stole a satirical headline about Donald Trump.
hand written notes

Trump apologises for misreading email.

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President Donald J. Trump has apologised for misreading an email which has led to some bizarre policy announcements in the last few days. The President was...
iPhone

Losers celebrate election victory

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The winners of the 2017 election are despondent today as they downheartedly celebrate their victory. “Yay. Fandabby bloody dozey,” said Conservative Unionist National Tory Society...
Pensioners

52% support euthanasia bill

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The Government has been urged to hold a referendum on euthanasia following research that showed that 52% of voters would support the introduction of...

Gavin Williamson declares war on schools

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Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary. His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is...
Business

Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories

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The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just...

Former President of Gambia applies for Argos security guard position

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After decades of ruling over Gambia, dictator Yahya Jammeh has recently lost an election to Adama Barrow who, amazingly, used to be a north...

Trump finds Rory McIlroy’s head in bed after throwing Koch off Golf Course

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President-Elect Donald Trump has denied evicting the proper billionaire, libertarian gun nut and political financier behind the Tea Party, David Koch, from his exclusive...

Senior Tories Pledge To Eat Less

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In response to UNICEF’S report today forecasting child starvation in 2017, senior Tories have pledged to eat less. Peasant. Goose. Equine tartare and literally millions...

Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer

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Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world,...
Scientist

Most Brexiteers cheat at Monopoly study finds

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Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We...
Theresa May

Fuck it what’s the worst that can happen Theresa May tells journalists

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Theresa May has dramatically announced the date for triggering Article 50 with a press conference today. Before pressing the big red button that triggers...
Iceberg

Massive Iceberg applies for EU membership

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In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by...

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