Politics

Accident and Emergency departments across the country collapsed utterly this morning after thousands of people swamped hospitals with suspected cases of Tourette's Syndrome.

Gareth Thundlestick from Scumsunk crescent, Rochdale, said he became politically active after ruining the suspension on his 1986 Ford Capri whilst negotiating a pothole too fast. "That was the final straw, it done it for me." He...

Ordinary, innocent Britons, along with many who voted Leave, were faced today with the horrendous realisation that the much vaunted 'Brexit Bonus' was likely to be 'having Michael Gove as Prime Minister'. Ordinary, innocent Briton...

Justice Cherie Booth has ruled in a landmark case that the former Prime Minister cannot be prosecuted over the Iraq War. Former Iraqi General Abdul Wahed Shanna al Rabbat’s unsuccessful attempt to bring a private...

A woman who keeps saying “no meal is better than a bad meal” to the people she’s supposed to have dinner with dined alone last night while being at a table full of other...

Dr Liam Fox is in America this week offering the United Kingdom up as America’s toilet, after Brexit, and sees no risk of a blockage. “Whenever you need to dump a load of hamburger we’ll...

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked by Theresa May's new Government to get rid of the...

Phillip Hammond, for now at least Chancellor of the Exchequer, has announced that in future he will "have a butchers at" major policy documents from the Treasury before reading them out in public. In a...

Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the election. He then backtracked and said that Corbyn was the best...

The Home Secretary was tonight believed to be on the run from her own creation, the Keepers of Great Britain.

Donald Trump has made a statement after his victory at the polls that he categorically believes there is no way there was any corruption and the results were completely irrefutable. Days before the polls opened...

The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain 1.5 billion litres of human excrement. It is difficult to know...

Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best known for his recurring role as Third Klingon in Star...

Far right stringless Thunderbird puppet and multi-millionaire Dulwich educated ex-banker and man of the people Nigel Farage reportedly bought the middle class toffees straight after the newly elected despot Donald J. Trump's controversial Tweet...

Following the shock withdrawal of Bruce Springsteen tribute band the B-Street Band from the Trump Inauguration David Brent is thrilled to announce that his band Foregone Conclusion have agreed terms to perform.

Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.