Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

0
A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be...
Riot Police

Anarchists admit riot police look pretty cool despite differences

2
Dave Vidual, Head Chair of the National Association of Anarchists, said yesterday in a shockingly frank admission that most anarchists, while diametrically opposed to...
Trump

Definitely No Corruption at polls

0
Donald Trump has made a statement after his victory at the polls that he categorically believes there is no way there was any corruption...

America To Be Renamed Trumptopia

0
Donald Trump has announced a new step in his plan to make America great again - he's renaming it after himself. In a press conference,...
David Davis

Man overseeing poorly equipped chaotic withdrawal from Europe describes Dunkirk film as inspiration

0
One of Britain's chief Brexit negotiators has been saying how the film, Dunkirk has inspired him in his negotiations for Brexit. Cliff Edge told the...
Boris Johnson

Loathsome Tory bastard calls for end to public sector pay cap

12
Boris Johnson has taken the lead in the call to end the public sector pay cap in response to the clear mandate delivered by...
Sean Spicer

White House Press Office denies denying denials of denials denying denials

10
The White House Press Office has issued a fresh set of denials denying denials of  denials denying denials. "We knew about Mr Trump's links to...

EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…

0
Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

1
Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.
Champagne Socialist

Champagne socialist accidentally reveals cost of scrapping tuition fees after drinking warm prosecco

3
A Rochdale champagne socialist has accidentally revealed that the cost of scrapping tuition fees would be £100bn. Anthony Taylor-Twyford revealed the cost at a...

Conservatives to shoot badgers until Henry VIII powers allow them to hunt with dogs...

3
Conservative MP George Eustice was allegedly out celebrating at a champagne breakfast this morning after deciding to kill a lot more badgers in order...

Government vow to provide every child with prayer mat by 2020 to promote multi-culturalism.

19
The thorny issue of the integration into society of immigrants, particularly Muslims, has been strained of late. Now the UK government has come up...

Farron Accepts Offer of Education Secretary As May Offers Anti-Brexit Coaltion

0
Tim Farron spoke of his relief this evening as he accepted Theresa May's offer of a coalition government on the condition of an anti-Brexit...

Immortan Joe assures War Boys Post-Apocalyptic Desert Dystopia less chaotic than Brexit

0
Gas Town will not be "plunged into a Brexit style world borrowed from dystopian fiction" after the nuclear winter, Immortan Joe has said today.
David Davis

Brexit talks in crisis after Michel Barnier unfriends David Davis on Facebook

8
The UK's negotiations with the EU hit a stumbling block today, after it emerged that Michel Barnier has unfriended David Davis on Facebook. Brexit secretary...
Rees Mogg

Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the whole world lines up to...

0
Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for...

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