Wetherspoons

Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons

0
Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...

Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

0
In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House...
Shrugging Man

Who needs firemen anyway asks DUP clad Tory government

2
There was anger in parliament last night as the government narrowly defeated a motion by the Labour Party to end the cap on public...
Government

Government advises British Gas Customers to follow their example and burn bridges for fuel...

1
Most U.K. bridges are built or stone and iron. This will mean a boom to hardware retailers as Britons rush to stop up on pickaxes and wheelbarrows in order to carry their winter fuel allowance home.
Marxist Bedwetter

Opinions of Entitled Marxist Bedwetters No Longer Valued says LSE

0
Social Science lecturers from the LSE were told they would not be asked to contribute to government work and analysis on Brexit.
Theresa May

Theresa May ready to deny TV debate ever took place

0
The BBC and ITV are to defy Conservative Party wishes and air live debates between participating parties before the upcoming June election. An inside source...

Theresa May’s password ‘strongandstable’ easiest to guess say hackers

5
In the wake of the recent cyber-attacks on parliament, we have learned a lot. For starters, the reason Theresa May keeps saying “strong and...
Rock Paper Scissors

Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...

3
Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a...
Scientist

Not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories, scientists discover

46
Scientists have discovered that not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories. We all know that Michael Gove is a twat. Even his...

Corbyn vows to walk to Brussels to get best Brexit deal

7
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has vowed that if he becomes Prime Minister he will personally walk to Brussels to demonstrate how serious he is...
Brown bear in woods

Smith Reveals Bears have secret plan.

0
In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods. In a hustings earlier...

Blair and Farage to launch new political party together

1
The two political heavyweights have decided to 'put aside their differences for the future of the UK' they said in a press release. The party,...
Theresa May

Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM

18
There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me? “When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday. “Maybe it was that Lord...

We’re not racist we want fewer white Polish faces too, Brexiters tell Vince...

0
Brexiters have taken umbrage at Vince Cable's suggestion that they'd like to see more white faces. Cliff Edge, a red man who normally speaks in...
Adolf Hitler

Hitler “off his tits on smack” claims book

0
A new book about Chaplin-tached proto-Trump, Adolf Hitler, has claimed that he and his fetishist cohorts were totally out of their shiny bonces on...
Popularity Contest

It’s not a popularity contest, really unpopular MP tells voters

0
An extremely unpopular MP has just informed voters that the upcoming general election is not a popularity contest. The MP addressed the crowd and urged...

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