Private rail company owner and Blairite totally unbiased about Traingate

1
Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded. The gazillionaire, famous...
Boris Johnson

Keep me out of the news says BoJo

0
A BBC news anchor disappeared in a cloud of bitter irony recently whilst reporting the story surrounding the Foreign Secretary’s reported texts asking to...
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

0
Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.
T20

Cricketers injured as dyslexic Anarchists riot at T20

9
Two Yorkshire cricketers and a number of spectators were injured last night as nearly 200 dyslexic anarchists rioted at the T20. Similar riots took place...
unhappy man

Beleavers still think they’re in with a chance of another Referendum

0
Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU. "I don't...

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

0
Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.
iPhone

Losers celebrate election victory

0
The winners of the 2017 election are despondent today as they downheartedly celebrate their victory. “Yay. Fandabby bloody dozey,” said Conservative Unionist National Tory Society...

KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump

0
In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku...

Owen Smith has beaten off 1,200 young boys – says Owen Smith

0
Owen Smith has caused another Labour controversy in parliament after beating off hundreds of boys in an attempt to pull his wife. Mr. Smith told...

Farage in critical condition after massive overdose

0
Nigel Farage is in a critical condition this morning after taking a colossal irony overdose.

Trump finds Rory McIlroy’s head in bed after throwing Koch off Golf Course

8
President-Elect Donald Trump has denied evicting the proper billionaire, libertarian gun nut and political financier behind the Tea Party, David Koch, from his exclusive...
Scientist

Most Brexiteers cheat at Monopoly study finds

0
Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We...

Doctors find hating immigrants can increase risk of getting Nuttalls

0
Recent medical studies have found a direct link between xenophobic thoughts and the rampant outbreak of Nuttalls in the U.K. Closely resembling a haemorrhoid, a...
Golden sceptre

Trump orders Fabergé selfie-stick for inauguration

0
In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft...

Corbyn Backs May In Commons Vote Again

0
"I'm sure I can remember one, if you just give me a minute." Jeremy Corbyn replied this afternoon, following the Commons vote to call...
Prime Minister

Prime Minister not taking donations from millionaires for granted

0
The Tory spin doctors are especially busy this morning on the nation's airwaves ensuring everybody they are not taking yesterday's electoral results as a...

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