Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

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Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...

A Christmas Carol reimagined by new Ministry of Truth to promote thrift

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The iconic Christmas tale has been edited by the new government department to 'instill a sense of fiscal caution' in the nation's youth. The new...
Angry

Rochdale man who’s never voted pledges to ‘bring down Torie scum’ by voting Green

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Gareth Thundlestick from Scumsunk crescent, Rochdale, said he became politically active after ruining the suspension on his 1986 Ford Capri whilst negotiating a pothole too fast. "That...
Boris the Clown

Boris resigns to spend more time in storm drain beckoning to children

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Boris Johnson has resigned from his position as foreign secretary today, and has returned to his natural role as a malevolent entity which preys...
Rastafarian

Liberal Democrats secure vital Rastafarian vote

The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.

It’s not nepotism it’s just a coincidence he’s my son-in-law says Trump

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World breathes a collective sigh of relief as journalist who met Jared Kuschner claims “he should make you feel more comfortable”.
Donald Trump

Donald Trump to let Donald Trump fail now as it will be a lot...

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Donald Trump has decided to extend his executive decision concerning repealing Obamacare to his entire presidency. It is believed the most successful man ever to...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson sneezes and accidentally appeals for 32 British people to be stoned to...

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Boris Johnson has apologised for his "sneeze" during comments about a bus full of British women on holiday in Saudi Arabia. The foreign secretary said...
For Sale Signs

London in crisis as Brexit threatens to make house prices affordable

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One of the many mysteries wrapped up inside the "Brexit means Brexit" enigma has been revealed. To the overwhelming delight of the capital's aspirational...
Bearded "hipster"

Hipster twats demand clean shaven white twats condemn terror twats

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Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis,...
Riot Police

Anarchists admit riot police look pretty cool despite differences

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Dave Vidual, Head Chair of the National Association of Anarchists, said yesterday in a shockingly frank admission that most anarchists, while diametrically opposed to...

Picture yourself in their shoes

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A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo,...
Britain First

Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder

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This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.  During the murder, the...

HS2 in doubt after MPs voice concern about providing an army of white walkers...

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Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

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American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush...
Theresa May

You fucking asked for it vindictive Remain campaigner tells public after triggering Article 50

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Theresa May has told the British public that "you fucking asked for it" at a press conference after formally triggering the process to leave...

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