Hospital

If you lot weren’t so clumsy we wouldn’t need A&E, says Jeremy Hunt

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The Minister for Health, Jeremy Hunt, has stated during an interview with our reporter that the pressure felt by A&E staff up and down the country is in no way related to the systematic...
David Davis

David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment

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David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done the financial analysis that is due to be handed in...
Theresa May

Theresa May’s plot to run the country foiled by Theresa May

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Theresa May will face a cross party parliamentary committee this week, after it was revealed she foiled her own plot to successfully run the country. Activate spokesperson, Randy Carrington-Phurr, confirmed with the Rochdale Herald the...

Dad boils right amount of pasta for family of 4

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Buddhists talk in hushed tones of Nirvana, the ultimate; where there is perfection and no sense of self. Many strive to reach this end but few ever achieve it. However, when Rochdale man Steve...

Female Russian athletes call 2018 Winter Olympics ban ‘a real kick in the nuts’

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The Russian Olympic Committee has reacted angrily to its ban from next year's Winter Olympics in South Korea, with female athletes in particular calling the move 'a real kick in the nuts'. The ban comes...

Middle aged man who bought passata just one small step from red skinny jeans...

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Rochdale man Stan Still is just a short step away from buying skinny red jeans according to his girlfriend. Alga Rithem, Stan's partner for the last 25 tears, told us, "I don't know where this...
Celebrating Santa

WOW! SECRET SANTA UPDATE – 2,644 presents and £21,570 raised

The Big Fat Secret Santa appeal we're running with NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People in Local Papers and Tuckered is really gathering steam now. So far you've bought 2,644 presents. We think that...
Bearded hipster coffee

Flexitarians disappointed to learn that it means same as omnivorous

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Leading flexitarians have been holding emergency talks about revelations that flexitarianism is just the same as being omnivorous. Research from Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College shows that humans have been omnivorous for a long...
Angry Man Shouting

Rochdale entrepreneur fails to set up free trade agreement with Burnley

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Rochdale entrepreneur Cliff Edge has been explaining to the Rochdale Herald how he tried to negotiate a free-trade deal with a supermarket in Burnley. The negotiations had arisen because, although Cliff lives in a pro-Brexit...
Santa with presents

Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 2,329 Gifts bought in four days

Four days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People in Local Papers and Tuckered to buy presents for children...
unhappy man

Emails found on MP’s pornhub viewer

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A forensic investigation of Damian Green's computer has revealed that it was used for viewing emails, conducting research and processing documents, confirming that bears shit in the woods. "Naturally, this sort of behaviour is...

Only 17 more sleeps until numpties stop saying how many sleeps until Christmas

The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the ability to use clocks and calendars to measure the passage...

Buying a house is really stressful first time buyer tells bloke in queue for...

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A first time buyer has been explaining how stressful buying a house is to a man he met in a foodbank. Taylor Twyford-Twist was doing his weekly bit of virtue signalling, or charity work as...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

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A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...
Surprised Santa

The Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 1,600 gifts bought in 48 hours

Two days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People in Local Papers, BFNN and Tuckered to buy presents for...

X distances itself from factor

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For over a decade, the "talent" show that has built false hope in thousands and eroded the entertainment values of millions has been hit by wave after wave of controversy and suspicion. The...

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