Buddhists talk in hushed tones of Nirvana, the ultimate; where there is perfection and no sense of self.

Many strive to reach this end but few ever achieve it.

However, when Rochdale man Steve Dickinson boiled some water and opened a pack of pappardelle pasta, history was rewritten.

“His lucky run started when he was putting the chips on a few weeks ago for me n the kids.” Claimed his wife, Sukie.

“He’d failed many times in the past with how many spuds needed chopping up, but he had a thought that there may be some science to it.

“He stormed in the lounge where we were watching a recording of the Jeremy Kyle show we were on t’other week and just asked us how many chips we wanted. Simple as that.

“Then he buggered off back into t’kitchen, counted them out and bugger me, he got it right!”

Steve claims to have been inspired by spittle lobbing, child obsessed chef, Jamie Oliver.

“Oliver is like marmite to me, fucking awful” he explained, “but I thought if I could get some pasta as big as his tongue, surely that would be a good measure. I know they’re called Pappardelle but I call ’em Jamie Tongues. I was well chuffed when it worked!

We also caught up with the Naked Chef himself to get his reaction: “Jules will be well chuffed that someone other than me has managed this.” he spat. “I make my own pasta every week and divide it into 136 to feed all my kids.

“Dave Dee, Dozy, Beeky, Mick, Titch, Itchy, Scratchy and Snot are thrilled every time.”

The Rochdale Herald also tried to contact Ainsley Harriot, but his agent claimed he was last seen wandering aimlessly through the nineties BBC studios, with Lloyd Grossman.