Other News

A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku. Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the massive cock sought to distance himself from non-white people in...

Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system which leads all the way back to 10 Downing Street. It's...

Reports are coming in that a man ironically mauled to death by a polar bear in Northwich town centre was prominent leave voter and climate change denier Aaron Banks. The attack comes only days after...

A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...

Following Jacob Rees-Mogg's bullying tirade on a doctor who dared challenge his smug assertions on talk radio, many people have challenged the pusillanimous human cockroach to repeat his comments outside the house where he...

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...

Commuters in Ormskirk were shocked today when a bus driver actually waited at a bus stop to allow a late arriving passenger to sprint down the road and catch her bus. Passengers already seated...

Scientists have discovered that not all Tories are twats, but all twats are Tories. We all know that Michael Gove is a twat. Even his mum thinks so. But there are more. Take blond buffoon Boris...

The nation has been shaken by the cowardly attacks in Manchester. This terrible, cowardly attack on innocent concert goers is irrefutably horrible and humour cannot be derived from it.

The next James Bond will be played by a paraplegic actor, Eon Productions has announced. Auditions for Daniel Craig’s replacement will begin in the summer and filming of Goldenchair is set to begin early next...

There is widespread jubilation amongst business leaders around the UK after bold plans to save a billion working man hours a week have been announced by the Institute of Vegans.

Summer is here and forecasters are predicting a heatwave in the coming weeks. With temperatures expected to hit 30oC the country will be awash with self-appointed dog wardens smashing their way into cars to...

People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS treatments as of Christmas 2020. "Obviously healthcare is going to be...

The ‘Special Relationship’ between the United States and Britain is likely to get a lot stronger thanks to the efforts of Nigel Farage. He is to become the fourth Mrs. Donald Trump.

Leading flexitarians have been holding emergency talks about revelations that flexitarianism is just the same as being omnivorous. Research from Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College shows that humans have been omnivorous for a long...

Donald Trump has sensationally dropped his controversial border wall plan, a key election promise, after seeing one of his Mexican labourers use a ladder for the first time.