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A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to develop cancer. 38 year old Bill Board told us that...

There are reports that Donald Trump is struggling to find top acts to perform or present at his inaugural event. The demagogue was able to confound the polls by attracting the popular vote of those...

In a rare public outburst Jesus H Christ has taken to social media to call Jacob Rees-Mogg a "complete twat." Speaking from his spaceship's jacuzzi moored off the coast of Cloud Cuckoo Land Jesus H...

As the UK government is apparently comfortable breaking international law over plans to unilaterally overwrite part of the Brexit withdrawal agreement, The Rochdale Herald has learned that a number of career criminals are equally...

Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a fridge in a hospital in Leeds. With shocking fowl language, a...

Samantha Cameron has triggered an outpouring of concern this morning with the revelation that she has had to send cook to Aldi. And it gets worse. Rumour has it the self-employed mother has even started sewing...

Sausage giant Heck has hosted giant sausage Boris Johnson at their Yorkshire factory for the unveiling of their latest new product. The Boris Johnson Heck Porky Pie looks like a pie but is in fact...

Millions of viewers who tuned into a BBC broadcast of tens of thousands of people booing and hissing at Downing Street today were left disappointed after the Prime Minister drowned out the crowds with...

Yesterday following a heated meeting over Brexit David Davis and Boris Johnson resigned from their positions as Minister for Brexit and Foreign Secretary respectively. The quick succession of resignations from the Conservative cabinet has caused...

The NHS is in a state of crisis after its computer was hacked earlier today. Patients requiring emergency care are being re-routed to different hospitals around the country, after it was also revealed that receptionist, Yvonne, lost...

After an embarrassing spate of catastrophic interviews, Dianne Abbot has complained that radio and television hosts are now deliberately and maliciously trying to confuse her. In an LBC interview with Rick Lambourgini, she wrongly stated that...

Brexit negotiations have hit a "a real problem" over the issue of the Irish border, government sources have confirmed today. Hopes of a breakthrough were raised today when Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, announced that a...

Great British diving legend Tom Daley, who recently claimed Bronze in the synchronized diving with his partner (Dan something or other), has sensationally confessed to urinating in the diving pool in Rio. The much talked...

Reports are coming in that a man ironically mauled to death by a polar bear in Northwich town centre was prominent leave voter and climate change denier Aaron Banks. The attack comes only days after...

Sewer workers in the London area of Whitechapel have reportedly found the dreams of the young decomposing in a giant blockage in the system which leads all the way back to 10 Downing Street. It's...

A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...