Gavin Williamson to join Facebook as head of privacy

Facebook has hired former Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson as head of its global privacy and secret keeping team. The 42-year-old politician former UK Defence Secretary,...
Kim'll Fix It

Netflix wins rights to top North Korean show Kim’ll fix it

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Netflix have been named as winners of a bidding war that saw them win the rights to show the hit Korean show, Kim'll Fix...

Remoaners trounce nimbys in self-interest cock off

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Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload...
Cricket

Man with double-barrelled surname good at cricket.

18
MCC members expressed their delight yesterday that at long last someone with a proper surname was good at cricket. "It's a shame young Toby Roland-Jones...

David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics

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In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.
Shoplifter

Beautiful young women on trial to be judged by ugly middle aged women in...

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A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all...

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

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The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic. It...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

4
Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...

A1 to Durham renamed The Dominic Cummings Expressway

The A1(M) between Aberford and Durham has been officially redesignated the Dominic Cummings Expressway in recognition of its primary purpose of conveying the 'Special'...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

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The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer...

Gove to juggle environment portfolio with rent boy role in Midnight Cowboy sequel

5
Michael Gove will juggle his new appointment as environment minister with a starring role in the long awaited sequel to 60s cult classic movie,...

Boris Johnson books flight home from New York with Thomas Cook

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Downing Street have issued a statement this morning explaining that Boris Johnson won't be able to attend Prime Minister's Questions today because he's stuck...

Surprise! I was born in Kenya says Barack Obama

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Barack Obama surprised the world today after announcing that he wasn't actually born in America after all but was actually born in Kenya, and to top it off is a Muslim.

“I Can’t Wipe My Arse With New £Fiver” Say Tory Chair Lord Bastard

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New Prime Minister Teresa May has had a sensational bust-up with party Chairman - Lord Bastard of Hubris - over the new £5 note....

Some bloke in UKIP said something about the BBC

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Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing...

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