Rees Mogg

Britons to get easy sex after Brexit as the whole world lines up to...

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Good news on the prospects with Brexit this afternoon as news broke that the entire world is lining up to provide easy sex for...
Ross and Rachel

Chilcot Report reveals Ross and Rachel WERE on a break

8
With the kind of speed, thoroughness and ability to keep his finger on Britain’s zeitgeist that has come to be expected from him, the...
Glastonbury

Glastonbury food vendors uproar after Jeremy Corbyn feeds festival with five loaves and two...

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Food vendors at the Glastonbury festival have been in uproar today after Jeremy Corbyn fed the entire site using just five loaves of bread...

Southern Rail passengers treated for nausea after train unexpectedly moves

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Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved. The...
Trump

Boy Scouts of America deny meeting Donald Trump

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The Boy Scouts of America have issued a statement denying meeting Donald Trump. “It never happened. It's fake news folks.” The statement begins. “Only a sick,...
Paul Nuttall

Huddersfield Town sign Paul Nuttall for a record fee

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The journeyman striker was signed for an undisclosed amount, although it is "considerably more" than the previous record fee of forty Rothmans and a...

Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader

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Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel...
Shouting Man

I don’t shave cos I’m a Gillette John, claims Heil Vis clad Neon Nazi

0
Shaving that's a little too aggressive, or done with dull blades, can produce irritants which can form a rash right round your Parliament area. ...

Songwriter reveals “Always something there to remind me” was written about Herpes

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The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened...
Border Collie Sunglasses

Essex dog fears for future after hands-on meeting with Prime Minister

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Essex - A black and white border collie from Sonning, Essex was reported to be safe in protective custody after being accosted by the...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime

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A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
William Shatner

William Shatner fired from Trump Biopic for not having big enough ego

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It’s not often you hear William Shatner’s ego described as “too small”, but that’s the complaint being made by the producers of his latest...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

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American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush...

Curse of the Railway Children Strikes Again as Deddie Davies Dies

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The Curse of "The Railway Children" has struck again. The film made in 1970 told the tale of a group of children and a...
pippa

Pippa, Middleton, Topless Bikini Photo Scandal

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Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier...
Spider

Boris Johnson bitten by radioactive spider, spider now a complete c*nt

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A radioactive spider was rushed to the vets today after biting Boris Johnson and subsequently becoming a massive arsehole. Apparently after biting Mr Johnson the...

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