Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...
Marmite

Britain to hold referendum to decide whether we love or hate Marmite

0
Referendum fan Nicola Sturgeon has announced plans for a controversial referendum to decide once and for all if Britain loves or hates Marmite.
Rochdale paramedics

Emergency services overwhelmed after public blinded by David Dimbleby’s tie

0
Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening...
Terroist

ISIS Claim Responsibility for Chimney Destruction in Kent

0
So called ISIS or Islamic State today sensationally claimed responsibility for the destruction of the the Grain Power Station Chimney in Kent. In a Facebook...

Donald Trump to appoint Mr Muscle™ as his new Coronavirus advisor

0
In a move that has been described as both "batshit crazy" and "utterly, utterly mental", US President Donald Trump has revealed plans to appoint...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

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American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush...

House spiders launch campaign to reduce number of ‘sleeping mouth’ fatalities

21
A group of house spiders has launched a campaign aimed at reducing the number of arachnids being swallowed by sleeping humans. 

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

0
ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.
Bored Football Fan

Spurs reassure loyal fans with plan to be shit again by the weekend

0
Tottenham Hotspur, commonly referred to simply as Tottenham, Spurs, or a word that you really can’t use in an article these days for fear...

Conservatives horrified at ‘meagre’ income of BBC presenters

0
On Wednesday in was revealed to the public how much some of our favourite BBC Presenters earn, as well as some rubbish ones too. The...
brexit bill

Theresa May admits “Brexit Bill” scrawled on back of napkin

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Prime Minister Theresa May today admitted that the 'Brexit Bill', allowing her to trigger the Article 50 exit clause from the European Union had been drafted,...
Trump

Donald Trump shocked Democrat voters also allowed to buy guns

0
Donald Trump was horrified to learn last night that Democrats are allowed to buy guns after being rushed off stage by Secret Service Agents.

ISIS and UN unite to condemn So-Called Yodel Customer Services for crimes against humanity

8
ISIS and all the member states of the United Nations have broadly condemned the British parcel delivery firm and courier service Yodel for crimes against humanity.

Tory sparks by-election because… er…reasons.

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Former non-dom tax shy billionaire's son and general Tory role model Zac Goldsmith has resigned from his position as a Tory MP after the...

Momentum release Labour leader themed children’s book ‘Where’s Corbyn?’

6
Children of the proletariat were delighted at the news today that Momentum are publishing a series of exciting Labour leader themed children's books. The first...
Dentist

Tooth Fairy tax fully costs Tory manifesto

0
Humbled by her failed election gambit Theresa May today announced a new policy to resolve the social care funding crisis which torpedoed her election...

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