Theresa May pledges to not remain silent on pee in swimming pools
Prime Minister Theresa May has pledged to not remain silent on the growing problem of pee in swimming pools highlighted in a shock report...
Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article
Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today.
The...
Sneaky German declares Last Goal’s the Winner and takes ball home
Sneaky German and part-time Finn Nico Rosberg has pulled off the all-time-shittiest Schoolboy trick by declaring the last goal the winner as the ball was already in the net!
Pro Brexit MP’s walk out of Brexit meeting rather than face reality
Several Brexit-supporting MPs walked out of a meeting on Brexit today when a report proved to be too gloomy.
“I was expecting the report to...
All toddlers are Tories scientists confirm
Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories.
"They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr....
Entire Tory Party arrested in clampdown on middle class cocaine users
The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users.
PC Drug-Bust...
Birds of Prey sue rock band the Eagles
In a landmark case the popular American rock band The Eagles are being sued by a flock of birds for use of the band's...
Antarctical 50 signed, Bergxit means Bergxit
Today an area four times the size of London has broken away from the Antarctic landmass. It is a worrying example of rising sea...
Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’
Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.
Socialism just a phase says privately educated Cambridge graduate Blairite quitting Labour for V&A
Tristram Hunt had "returned to the fold" and told his friends and family that "his life a socialist was just a phase".
Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office
Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the...
Bands line up to celebrate Trump’s impeachment
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal the star studded line up already in place for celebrating the impeachment of Donald Trump, expected to take...
New bay platform at Rochdale station opens
Great news for Rochdalians!
As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station!
The new platform - actually a...
Hipster twats demand clean shaven white twats condemn terror twats
Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.”
“It is imperative, at this time of national crisis,...
Happy Christmas to our Sovereign Parliament and readers
On behalf of the Daily Mail, we would like to wish all our readers a very Happy Christmas. Or if they don't celebrate Christmas,...
Russia announce plans for “performance enhanced” Olympics
Russia are set to announce plans to introduce the worlds first "performance enhanced" Olympics, we can reveal.
As many around the world will know, Russia...
