Cocaine price plummets after death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson

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The National Crime Agency has warned MP's that the Class A drug is 'set to flood the market' after the untimely death of Tara...
Trump Family KKK Photograph

Trump Family KKK Photo Scandal

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There was outrage across America as a family photo of the Trump family emerged with both Donald Trump's father and mother dressed from head...

Corbyn says it’s the pits for May

5
Bouyed by his Saturday Durham Miner's Gala deification in front of the last 200,000 or so flat-cap wearing left-wing supporters in the country, Jeremy...

Revealed: GCHQ Toaster Hack Turns Leavers Into Remainers…

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An exclusive Herald investigation has revealed the extent to which the government's monitoring agency GCHQ can manipulate public opinion through the hacking of common...

If the dead weren’t so unproductive the economy would be booming, says Phillip Hammond

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Chancellor Phillip Hammond has blamed sluggish economic growth figures on the dead. "Our research over the last two quarters has proved conclusively that the dead...
Theresa May

Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM

18
There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me? “When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday. “Maybe it was that Lord...

George Osborne seen in Waitrose buying fava beans and a nice Chianti

16
Following news reports of comments made by Old Screw Eyes, former chancellor of the Exchequer, serial job hoarder and moneybags George Osborne, it appears...

MP’s take well deserved autumn break after sorting out all UK’s problems

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Westminster is demob happy today as hundreds of MPs pack their bags and await their family’s driver to come and collect them for half...

‘Child on hospital floor’ journalist joins the Rochdale Herald’s staff

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The Rochdale Herald is proud to announce the appointment of surely-ex-by-now Telegraph columnist Allison Pearson to our staff. "Our quest for people who can spout...

Corbyn washes feet of the poor in Belgravia

18
Our saviour, JC, for it was he, seen on the streets of Belgravia. Blessed are the poor, the meek, and the lowly. For lo, their...
Middle Aged Man

Man ‘still hip’ because he likes new bands like Radiohead

24
Derek Brasshouse, 54, an accountant in Rochdale Borough Council's swimming pool department, considers himself to be still 'with it' because he enjoys new bands...
Boris Johnson

Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge

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Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...

Missile strike in Syria; mass outpouring of grief from OneDirection fans

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Following the disastrous US missile strike in Syria yesterday which claimed the lives of 57 civilians including 11 children, teenagers and young adults around...

May May trigger Brexit in May? Maybe

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Theresa May today revealed her plans and a slogan for Brexit; a bitter, lonely and incontinent future with seventeen cats and no continent. The slogan...
Justine Greening

Secretary of State for Education, Justine Greening shows concern for pupils “Not talk good”

3
In the UK, education has always been of paramount significance, on par with the National Health Service, or ensuring that MPs have enough income...

Simon Danczuk expected to volunteer as UKIP teenage pussy inspector

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"Although I'm a Labour candidate, I'll throw my support behind UKIP and volunteer to inspect teenage girls vaginas." Said local full time pornography enthusiast...

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