Daily Mail claim Koran found propping up wobbly table leg in Thomas Mair’s kitchen
In a shocking turn of events, the Daily Mail have claimed police forensics have revealed to them that during the investigation into Thomas Mair...
Immortan Joe assures War Boys Post-Apocalyptic Desert Dystopia less chaotic than Brexit
Gas Town will not be "plunged into a Brexit style world borrowed from dystopian fiction" after the nuclear winter, Immortan Joe has said today.
No manifesto better than a bad manifesto say Conservatives
Confusion reigns following the Queen's Speech as the Tories deny all knowledge of a manifesto that may, or may not, have existed prior to...
More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur
Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
Goebbels didn’t like satire either – satirists tell Zuckerberg
As the entire world struggles to unravel themselves from their twisted knickers following the surprise election of a sexist satsuma to the Whitehouse satirists have come under fire from Google and Facebook for writing fake news, otherwise known as fiction.
Rosie and Jim Seized in Immigration Raid
News is emerging that 1990's TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European...
Being a tosser won’t stop you getting rich, scientist claims
Anders Farkenobbviarrs, head of research at the Norway Institute of Selfish Prick-like Behavior in Trondheim said “Loads of rich, successful people are total fuckers,...
Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons
The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a...
Mime artist finds way out of glass box
Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box.
There was...
NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse.
Since the vote...
Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash
The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash.
The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent...
Social media giant adds “I am staying home” button for Londoners
Social media users woke to the discovery of a useful new button on one of the most popular platforms today as an "I am staying...
Intentional explosions totally different to terror
After around 30 people were injured, many more shocked and people consequently feeling terrified, New York officials are keen to point out that the...
Australia to import convicts and export coal – Says Turnbull
Australian Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull, has left the G20 Summit with what he called a "stupendous new deal". After much grovelling to British Prime...
Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team
Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team.
Katie,...
Waitrose Launch Free From Flavour and Common Sense Range in London Stores
Waitrose are launching a range of food that will taste of nothing and cost "shit-loads more" in their London stores.
Quentin Danvers, Head of Pretentious...
