Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack
Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...
Scientists prove Morris dancing adds 10 years to your life. Britons still not interested.
Researchers at Swindon Institute of Rustic Studies have proved beyond doubt that regular Morris dancing increases longevity by 10 years.
Professor Ryan Cocks, Dean...
Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds
26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30%...
Being a tosser won’t stop you getting rich, scientist claims
Anders Farkenobbviarrs, head of research at the Norway Institute of Selfish Prick-like Behavior in Trondheim said “Loads of rich, successful people are total fuckers,...
Rooney: taking are cuntry bak
As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First.
During the halftime team...
Shouty, hypocritical know it all becomes leader of First Atheist church
A loud mouth atheist has taken his levels of preaching about all organized religion being evil to such lengths that he has organized a...
Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research.
Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...
A politician’s ex definitely unbiased source, insist BBC
To prove they're balanced and fair, the BBC have asked Jeremy Corbyn's ex wife for her totally independent and unbiased view on the Labour...
Conservative MP apologises for tweet alleging Corbyn was a politician in the 1980’s
The Conservative MP Ben Bradley has conceded that Jeremy Corbyn did no work as a Politician in the 1980’s and has agreed not to make the allegations again.
Trump claims Blacks, Latinos and Women are rigging the election by voting
America braces itself tonight after it was revealed that not just White rednecks are eligible to vote.
Bubble wrap producers report record sales as schools prepare for new year
As pupils prepare to merrily go back to school their parents are preparing for the big celebration.
In recent years, parents have been edging ever-closer...
‘iPhone 7 best ever’ declare vacuous self obsessed brand whores
We caught up with some douchebag in skinny jeans outside the Apple Store in the Arndale this afternoon:
"I've been queuing since Saturday!" Travelling UPVC...
Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...
In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end...
Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area
BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday.
The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to...
Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting
Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.
2016 still killing celebrities
Following the first few weeks of January and the continuation of celebrity deaths, alternative facts and general shitwittery we were granted an exclusive interview...
