Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

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Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves...
corbyn

Brexit means Brexit, obviously, says Jeremy Corbyn

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'Brexit means Brexit and we're going to make a success of it', Jeremy Corbyn will say this afternoon. He will speak from the top of...

Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously

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According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously. Following continuous delays...

Farage To Sell Knighthood

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Sir Nigel Farage surprised many in the realm this morning when he put his newly acquired knighthood up for sale on eBay. "I was going...

Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner

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Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French"...

Police and HMRC raid Arsenal after silver polish claim on VAT return

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More tax scandal has hit the Premier League last night after police swooped on the Arsenal stadium after they tried to claim the VAT...
Daily Mail Readers

Are we the baddies ask Daily Mail readers

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A Rochdale couple have been telling the Herald how they fear they may now be the baddies. Martin and Drusilla Williams regularly buy the Daily...
Theresa May Converse

Top Tories Converse to win yoof vote

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Prime Minister Theresa May today ditched her kitten heels and turned out to the Commons wearing a pair of Chuck Taylor black and white...

Tit in Parliament in tits in Parliament row

Andrea Leadsom has found herself an unlikely ally in the UK's war on women and motherhood, Sammy Wilson MP. Mr Wilson, the DUP MP for...

What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP

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A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in...

Ralphs to go back to original pronunciation 

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Ralphs across the globe have collectively decided that they no longer like being called 'Raif'. Ralph Johnson of Middleton said; "Because Ralph Fiennes started calling himself...

Boris Johnson books flight home from New York with Thomas Cook

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Downing Street have issued a statement this morning explaining that Boris Johnson won't be able to attend Prime Minister's Questions today because he's stuck...
Britain First

Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder

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This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.  During the murder, the...

Anger as ‘sexy Anjem Choudary’ costume outsells ‘sexy Tommy Robinson’ costume for first time

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There were angry reactions across the UK today after it was revealed that a popular 'slutty Tommy Robinson' Halloween costume has been outsold by...

Boris Johnson praises BBC for spending £250m on non-existent PPE for the Proms

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Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of...

McVitie’s and Walkers crisps back plans to decriminalise cannabis

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Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class...

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