Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic
After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...
Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs
Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs...
Daily Mail readers cancel WWF donations after discovering pandas aren’t native to Britain
Daily Mail 'readers' have been cancelling donations to the World Wildlife Fund today after the newspaper revealed that it helps wildlife not native to...
Waterloo Road Grandma School Farce
A crisis has arisen in a Rochdale school after a Chinese whispers cock up of epic proportions went much further than any sane person...
Walter Mitty announces surprise UKIP Party Leadership Bid
Fictional character Walter Mitty has announced a surprise bid for the leadership of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), challenging current incumbent Paul "I...
Rochdale Herald attempts to break world record for the longest newspaper headline ever ends...
All at the Herald are devastated said Doris the tea lady.
Failure To Recognise Ant And Dec Improves Corbyn’s Ratings
All the hard political questions have now been thrown at Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith in their hustings, including asking if they recognised Ant...
Britain begins cheap cocaine and animal abuse phase of lockdown easing
The Government has announced that horse racing can begin again from today.
A spokesman said, "From today people will be able to gather in groups...
Mime artist finds way out of glass box
Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box.
There was...
Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home
Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning.
Police describe the haul as a kick in the...
Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.
"It's not just...
OJ Simpson appointed White House press secretary
Tongues are wagging in Washington today over what seems too convenient for coincidence as OJ Simpson is rumoured about to be appointed as Sean...
University of life grads outraged over EU threats of further education
Graduates of the world famous British University of Life expressed their outrage this morning after top Eurocrat tyrant Mickie “the barb” Barnier threatened them...
Only alternative to catastrophic Tory Brexit is catastrophic Labour Brexit says Corbyn
Jeremy Corbyn has sought to reassure Labour Party members fearful of a catastrophic Tory Brexit that a Labour Brexit will be just as hard...
Possible to know same amount about Brexit by trying to hide from it as...
As you stagger to the bathroom in the morning, arriving before you remember you have knees, and try to get all your strikingly yellow...
G20 Crisis as Trump eats hot dogs in Hamburg.
President Donald Trump caused outrage in Hamburg, Germany today, eating hot dogs and apple pie and drinking root beer all flown in with him...
