Every Brit to get UKIP voting Mother In Law before Brexit
In a move designed to strengthen the government's hand before Brexit negotiations begin in earnest, every British family is to be assigned a UKIP...
Theresa May shocked and disappointed by contents of freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box
Theresa May is said to be both shocked and disappointed this afternoon by the contents of the freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box.
The box, made...
Missile strike in Syria; mass outpouring of grief from OneDirection fans
Following the disastrous US missile strike in Syria yesterday which claimed the lives of 57 civilians including 11 children, teenagers and young adults around...
Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees
The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island
Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today.
Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have...
I’m not homophobic, you’re just a filthy sinner! says singer
It's alright to be a judgey bigoted fuck if it's based on Bronze Age superstition, singer Kim Burrell is insisting.
Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons
Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...
Only two prime ministers till Christmas
Children around the UK were feeling giddy this morning after learning that it's now officially on two prime ministers until Christmas morning.
"I can almost...
Police advise public to ‘grow up’ over rise in clown related call outs
Police call handlers up and down the country have been inundated with calls from concerned citizens in relation to a bizzare new craze in...
The Shard ‘nearly finished’
The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers.
Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the...
Corbyn treated for dizziness after performing student debt pirouette on Andrew Marr Show
Jeremy Corbyn is reported to be recovering this afternoon after suffering a severe bout of dizziness following the performance of a pirouette on student...
Study finds 50% of working day spent pretending to give a fuck about co-workers’...
Over 50% of the average working day is taken up pretending to give a fuck about other people's children, according to new research.
A study...
Knives sharper than the tools carrying them
Causes of knife crime confirmed to be poor choices of dead victims
As knife crime continues to plague the streets of the capital, a bleeding...
Only three UKIP leaders till Xmas
The election of the eleventh UKIP leader in the last calendar year has whipped the country into a frenzy of anticipation as it means...
UK’s employers terrified workers will stop working through their lunch hour if houses become...
Concerns have been expressed today by the United Kingdom’s biggest employers that a house price crash will lead to a deepening of the productivity...
Germany devoid of German Christmas markets
German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.
With every British town apparently...
