NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly
In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons
The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a...
Philip Hammond apologises to women on cabinet for making sexist comment at ‘wrong time...
Philip Hammond has today apologised for his insensitive remarks about women by buying them all a jolly nice big bar of chocolate and a...
Brexit Britain won’t be like Mad Max. Mad Max can afford a car
Independent research carried out by a team of so-called "experts" has backed up a comment made by the Brexit Secretary today.
David "What Am I...
Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker
Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.
Channel 4 to launch Halal-friendly version of Countdown
Channel 4 has announced plans to launch a 'Halal-friendly' version of its popular quiz show, Countdown.
An established favourite with pensioners, students and people who...
5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic
Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire.
According...
NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse.
Since the vote...
Gritty realism of Doctor Who ‘stretched beyond credulity’ by absence of penis
Hard-hitting documentary Doctor Who, dedicated to exposing the harsh reality of spontaneously-regenerating Time Lords, has become 'a laughing stock ruined by periods', agree internet...
Momentum Youth Wing nothing like Hitler Youth, insist Momentum
The new Momentum Youth Wing that has been proposed will be nothing like the Hitler Youth Momentum and Corbyn are insisting.
"Well obviously they're nothing...
Remoaners trounce nimbys in self-interest cock off
Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...
Government announces above-inflation pay rise for vital frontline MPs
Chancellor Philip Hammond responds to calls to offer above-inflation pay rises to public sector workers in Westminster, after a survey revealed that four out...
Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake
Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.
Gap between rich and poor not an issue say rich bastards
The massive gap between the poorest peoples' lot and the vomit-inducing wealth of the world's richest isn't really important, insist representatives for the world's...
Greater Manchester Road Planning Department forced to resit Key Stage One after failing finger...
Following recent criticism of the Greater Manchester Road Network, Manchester City Council conducted an audit of the qualifications of the staff employed in the...
