Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

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Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end...
Court

Ginsters Sue Ginsters over Ginsters Name

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It has emerged that pastry-based, snack purveyors Ginsters have taken to the courts. They aim to prevent a social movement off-shoot from adopting their...

May to seek permission from Rupert Murdoch to sack Boris Johnson

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The Rochdale Herald can reveal this afternoon that Theresa May is alleged to have written to British Prime Minister Rupert Murdoch seeking permission to...

Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island

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Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today. Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have...
Meghan and Harry

Prince Harry and Meghan to get holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

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Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...
London Underground Train

TFL confirms London Underground to be extended to Scotland by 2021

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London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost...

Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes

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Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island. Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each...
Pensioners

Pensioners with British Gas look forward to choosing between freezing and starving to death...

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"My pension didn't cover the old price. In fact, the only reason I didn't freeze to death last year is because I was able to burn all the ‘late Payment’ notices that British Gas kept sending out"
angry man

Study finds link between hair loss and racism. 

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have uncovered the first clear links between racism and hair loss among men.  In an in depth study lasting nearly...
The Pope

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

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In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and...

Companies forced to list massively racist employees

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British companies are to be made to publish lists of how many employees are nasty and racist, under new plans announced by home secretary...

Britain First Dates

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After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding...

IT department confirms that turning Maybot off and on again didn’t work

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The latest attempt to reboot the Downing Street operating system failed after the Tory party IT department tried turning Maybot off and on again. Nigel...
Katie Hopkins

Nation unites in devising final solution to Katie Hopkins

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The nation has been shaken by the cowardly attacks in Manchester. This terrible, cowardly attack on innocent concert goers is irrefutably horrible and humour cannot be derived from it.

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