Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

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Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the...

Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic

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After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...

Firefighters summoned to giant pants fire after Boris repeats inflammatory £350M NHS claim

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Firefighters were summoned to a giant pants fire this morning after Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson repeated his £350M NHS Brexit claim. The emergency services responded...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

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Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...

Bus driver not a bastard

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Commuters in Ormskirk were shocked today when a bus driver actually waited at a bus stop to allow a late arriving passenger to sprint...

Token female cycling club member thrilled to have been described as attractive

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A magazine feature by Cycling Weekly on the Hinckley Cycle Racing Club from Leicestershire was lambasted today after going to print with the caption...
Waterstones

Waterstones moves post-apocalyptic fiction to current affairs section

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In a statement today, popular British high street book retailer Waterstones announced all books with post-apocalyptic themes will be moved to the current affairs...
Peeing Cyclist

Man who provided bags of piss for top cyclists nominated for sports personality of...

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Top cycling teams have been paying tribute to the man who provides fresh urine to high profile Tour de France riders for drugs tests. Chopper...

Prince Charles spotted throne shopping in Harrods

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The big eared flower whisperer was spotted earlier today looking at thrones and sceptres in the London department store it has been reported. "He was...

IT department confirms that turning Maybot off and on again didn’t work

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The latest attempt to reboot the Downing Street operating system failed after the Tory party IT department tried turning Maybot off and on again. Nigel...

NHS recruit Clippit the Paperclip to defend against hackers. 

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NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ? "We needed someone...

Don’t vote for a chaotic Brexit, says cause of chaotic Brexit

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Loose cannon David Davis describes the scattergun approach to Brexit as "regrettable". The strident anti-EU campaigner wants the UK to cut the European cord,...
Gerard Butler

Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...

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Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed. Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to...
Titanic

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

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Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old...

Standard government response to petitions revealed to be – F&@k off Plebs

The trend in starting parliamentary petitions seems finally to be tapering off. We asked serial petition-starter Si Neer why he thinks that might be: "It's...

Spell Check a Racist crashes Facebook

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Facebook was in chaos today after the soaring popularity of the Spell Check a Racist (S.C.A.R.) page caused a stack overflow causing the entire...

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