Old Graduate

University of life grads outraged over EU threats of further education

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Graduates of the world famous British University of Life expressed their outrage this morning after top Eurocrat tyrant Mickie “the barb” Barnier threatened them...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

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Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...

Eric Bristow checks out aged 20 double top

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Eric Bristow, the world's oldest ever darts player, was at the Premier League Darts event at Liverpool's Echo Arena when he checked out aged...

Breaking News: Hundreds of MP’s feared dead in Catastrophic Westminster fire

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This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren't upgraded. A one off special of the show 'Homes Under The Hammer' will be...

Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population

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The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive...

Farage to appeal to younger voters by calling them all wankers

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Nigel Farage has unveiled his latest plans to broaden UKIP's appeal amongst young voters. Phase one will see Farage travel round the country calling...
Survivor

Last PPI claimant found alive and well

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The last person who is yet to be investigated whether or not they were mis-sold PPI has been found, bewildered, but alive.  After years of...

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Hearse

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The Rochdale Herald has learned that ITV plans to make drastic changes to the format of next year's 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of...

Police and HMRC raid Arsenal after silver polish claim on VAT return

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More tax scandal has hit the Premier League last night after police swooped on the Arsenal stadium after they tried to claim the VAT...

Sports Direct CEO burns millions of pounds in front of staff

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Self assured fuck nugget Mike Ashley, CEO of Sports Direct, pulled the idiotic stunt at one of his sweat shops earlier today. Keith Stitcher, a...
David Cameron Shed

David Cameron disappointed history will not judge him by his shed

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David Cameron was seen seeking the comfort of his many inherited bank accounts this afternoon after a wounding and very personal setback. The event appears...
Tory

NHS Commodore 64 hacked with ‘ransom cassette’

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The NHS is in a state of crisis after its computer was hacked earlier today. Patients requiring emergency care are being re-routed to different hospitals around...
Smartphone

I’m definitely not addicted to my smartphone, says person reading this on her smartphone

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A Rochdale woman has told her friends that she's definitely not addicted to her smartphone, whilst reading a news story about people being addicted...
British Homeopath

Herald lifestyle guides – How to be a New Hippy

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Want to be a 21st century Hippie or is it Hippy? Do you remember the days when everything was far out, and the man was...

Particle physicists admit Hadron Collider has caused slow end of universe

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It is 2 years since the upgrade and usage of the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) back in Feb 2014.  Concerns were raised by non-physicists...

Man receives bravery award for going into work with Cold

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A Rochdale man was praised for his bravery and selfless act of dedication this morning after he heroically battled through the worst cold he...

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