Andy Murray’s Mum still won’t let him quit tennis club
The Rochdale Herald has discovered that Andy Murray's Mum still won't let him quit tennis club.
"She promised me that if I won Wimbledon I...
Diageo to move Scotch Whisky production to Romania
Inter galactic alcoholic drinks giant JoJo - Diageo is to close all of its Scotch Whisky distilleries in Scotland and move production to Romania, the company...
James Corden to star in Paul Nuttall biopic
International media sensation, corpulent bearded sex symbol and father of the year, James Corden is to take the starring role in a planned new...
Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin
Make your own Original Trumpkin!
Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with...
Man buns proven to reduce transmission rates of sexually transmitted diseases
The Rochdale Royal Institute of Sexual Health have released the results of a study demonstrating man buns as a proven way to reduce the...
MPs & Celebrities injured in stampede to be the most offended
MPs have described the 'hysterical' moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended.
Mike Backbencher - MP...
Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep
A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.
Jesus to have birthday party in August
Jesus Christ has gone on the record to say that he is absolutely sick and tired of relatives and friends buying him joint birthday and Christmas presents.
Facebook to release new emoji for General Election
It's three weeks till the nation goes to the polls for the third time in three years and the media coverage is increasing and...
NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly
In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.
Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday.
The world press was...
Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality
The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage.
"I didn't know which way...
Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes
Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of...
British Homeopathy Association to strike over watered down labelling
The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’.
The head of the British Homeopathic Association...
Boris Upsets Sturgeon Over Calls for New Indyref
Boris Johnson today ran into further hot water, or perhaps hot oil, over comments responding to Nicola Sturgeon's view that only an Independent Scotland...
ISIS withdraw from Iraq after Blair’s return to politics announcement
Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he'd return to British politics.
In an interview he...
