PETA free thousands of battery farmed Jesuses forced into tiny cages for their chocolate...

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Religious rights activists have launched coordinated raids around the world this morning and have successfully freed tens of thousands of battery farmed Jesuses from...

Which filthy johnny foreigner should you blame for Covid-19?

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All over Britain, McDonald's branches are silent and your gran might die from Covid-19. The PC libtards say this is a result of complex...

Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

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The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...
Ryanair

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

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Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair...

You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express

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Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto. “Sounds...
Attenborough

BBC to put Sir David Attenborough in a ‘stasis chamber’

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The specialist chamber housing Sir David Attenborough was created by NASA for long haul space travel and would have allowed Astronauts to be put...
Martin Roberts

Martin Roberts Demands Recount.

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Property botherer and dreadful chef Martin Roberts has demanded a recount following his failure to be elected President of the Jungle in this year's...

Pinocchio to play Nigel Farage in hotly awaited biopic

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Requests from the public to name the film have had to be abandoned. They were either correctly spelled expletives or poorly written praise so hard to comprehend that the staffer responsible for sifting through the responses incurred a nose bleed.
Idris Elba

Leaked Bond script just ninety minutes of Idris Elba’s Aston Martin being stopped by...

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Latest Bond film, Stop and be Searched, shows James Bond as you have never seen him before After speculation in recent months that the next...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

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Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.
Jesus Christ

Jesus rejects will of the people

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Jesus of Nazareth rejects will of people and refuses to die On 23 June 33AD, the lawful Government represented by Pontius Pilate asked the people...

Five great fake news items of 2016

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2016 was the year of the post-truth, the fake news, and the downright lies. We at the Herald take a look back at the...

Paul Nuttall celebrates victory with speech outside 10 Downing Street

UKIP supremo Paul Nuttall was in jubilant mood this afternoon after seeing his party win the 2017 election with a landslide victory. After visiting Her...

Burnley Piss Artist awarded lucrative Arts Council Grant

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George Barns (56), life-long Burnley resident, and winner of the coveted Piss Artist of The Year Trophy, has been awarded a lucrative Arts Council...
unhappy man

Beleavers still think they’re in with a chance of another Referendum

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Since June 23 Brexiters led by an enraged Nigel Farage haven't stopped moaning about the majority vote for Britain to remain in EU. "I don't...
Theresa May

It’s bloody difficult being a bloody difficult woman, says bloody difficult woman.

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On Thursday night, Theresa May was stood up by her strong mandate and had to make her lonely way home alone. "Being Prime Minister...

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