Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

4
Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...

Fake news reporting undermining professionals

0
Following the news that the owner of everyone's favourite dog and Facebook creator, Mark Zuckerberg has called to investigate fake news sites and exercise...

Gary Glitter releases Christmas single, In the Brownies

0
Gary Glitter is releasing a new single in time for the Christmas number 1 battle. The song, a cover version of "In the Brownies" is...

Government approves £118M fire safety upgrade, including sprinklers, for the Houses of Parliament

0
Britain's greatest female Prime Minister, announced in a key note speech, that her Government has learned the lessons of Grenfell.  £118 million has been...

Couple to Celebrate 20th Wedding Anniversary by Pushing Beds Together

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Local couple, Steve and Barbara Dickinson, plan to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary by pushing their single beds together and possibly even having sex. Barbara...
Letterbox

Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes

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Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad...
Rees Mogg

Height supremacists promise New World Order will be with us shortly

9
Growing support for alt-height movement Height Supremacists have a new doyen in the shape of Sixtus Rees-Mogg. Rees-Mogg initially attracted support with a very modern...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

0
In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It...
Phil Collins

Phil Collins says 80s were his Coldplay years

0
Phil Collins has been telling the Saga trade magazine, Zimmer how he sees the 1980's as his Coldplay years. Collins told the magazine, "Look, when...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

4
Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...

Britain leaves E.U. in last night’s dress and no tights

3
At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night's make-up, confident in the knowledge that...
Office Worker

Study finds 50% of working day spent pretending to give a fuck about co-workers’...

0
Over 50% of the average working day is taken up pretending to give a fuck about other people's children, according to new research. A study...

Dirty Danczuk disappoints again

Weary Rochdale let out yet another groan of despair after yet more revelations of the serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk's sex...

BBC bans racist song White Christmas

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The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned. Spokeswoman for the perpetually...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney retires from International Football to spend more time with other people’s grandmas

27
Wayne Rooney has announced that he intends to spend more time with other peoples grandmothers after retiring from international football. Rooney explained, "I've been all...
Houses of Parliament

Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue

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The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...

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