iPhones

Public stunned to learn injustice happened before everyone could film it on an iPhone...

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After a week of violent plane evictions and shows of defiance at protests, Professor of History at Rochdale's Community University, Polly Technic, said; "Injustice has been...
The Canary Website

Shock as Canary dies from its own gas

0
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt was today in a position where he wasn’t just on the right, but in the right. That’s about as galling...

Companies forced to list massively racist employees

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British companies are to be made to publish lists of how many employees are nasty and racist, under new plans announced by home secretary...

Study finds 112% of people can’t tell difference between real and fake news

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A study by the prestigious department of Idiocy and General Fuckwittery at the World famous Rochdale Community University has revealed that between 111% and 112% of all people who use social media can't tell the difference between real and fake news.
Theresa May

Nutters shouldn’t be stigmatised says Theresa May

6
The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental...
Radiohead

Radiohead settle copyright spat over Remoaners’ moaning and whining

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Radiohead have settled their claims that Remain voters have stolen all the moaning and whining directly from their back catalogue. Immediately after bringing an end...

Bank Holiday Not Fucking  Long Enough Decide People 

1
Bank Holidays are not long enough according to a multi-pound survey commissioned by The Rochdale Herald. "It's 2016 for Christ's sake! Normal weekends should be...
Hurricane

Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama

69
Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over. In a speech he said, "Watched...

Police call time on sex pests

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Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today. The new devices...
Elderly Couple

New survey shows 52% of Daily Mail readers have masturbated to The World At...

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Researchers at the University of Rochdale reveal the enduring popularity of the 1970s documentary for gammon spank fodder. The 1970s documentary, The World At War,...
Mrs Brown's Boys

Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts

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Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Coal prices spike on news of Katy Hopkins’ incineration

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International coal prices have jumped to $120 a tonne, their highest since 2011, following news that a British court has sentenced Daily Mail columnist...
Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement. "I've been thinking about...
Shouty man

‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law

4
A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear. We caught...
Fur

Foxes Just ‘Scarves With Legs’ Says Tory Think-Tank

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During the snap election called by Theresa May one controversial proposal to emerge from the Tory manifesto was the abolishment of the fox-hunting ban....
Drunk

Facebook adds ‘I am drunk button’

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Facebook has added an "I am drunk" button to the award winning range of useful buttons on your profile page. The button will immediately quarantine...

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