Darts

Rochdale shock at non-inclusion of ancient sport of darts in Olympics

There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of "arrows" in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren...

Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons

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The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a...
Theresa May

Only a grammar truth in May’s PMQs

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In this week's PMQs Jeremy Corbyn, the corduroy communist leader of what's left of the Labour Party (see what I did there?), asked Theresa...

Nigel Farage thrilled to hold onto Question Time Seat

Nigel Farage has responded to criticism from Andrew Neill that Brexit Party no longer has a reason to exist following their total annihilation in the exit...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

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Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the...

Everyone to star in latest series of Big Brother

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In a massive change of direction, our government known for privatising everything for short term gain and long term loss has bought out Dutch based media...

‘Everybody in Scunthorpe will lose their jobs’ was on the other side of bus,...

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Boris Johnson has taken to social media today to clear up any misunderstanding that the 66% of people who live in Scunthorpe and voted...
Bitch face

Resting Bitch Face to be renamed Resting Just Sick of Your Shit Face

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It seems that testing conditions, designed to mimic working in an average open plan office space, may have coloured the subjects' results. "It wasn't that their neutral faces were 'bitchy', just that even within a short time of meeting us, they were already just sick of our shit."
NHS

Britain shows appreciation for NHS by funding it properly

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Britain has decided to show its appreciation for the NHS by funding it properly.  The nation has made the decision that it doesn't matter...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

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There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

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Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants' school in Rochdale, he sat in on...

Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free

Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will...

James Bond producers buzzing about Putin’s Cold War reboot

The producers of the James Bond movie franchise are said to be absolutely over the moon about Vladimir Putin's recent decision to reboot the Cold War.
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

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This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from...
Big Ben

Bullshit to power Westminster by 2025 say Greens

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Pure bullshit from the House of Commons is to be converted into useful energy to power the City of Westminster, the Green Party has...
Whiskey

Diageo to move Scotch Whisky production to Romania

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Inter galactic alcoholic drinks giant JoJo - Diageo is to close all of its Scotch Whisky distilleries in Scotland and move production to Romania, the company...

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