Health

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...

A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt. This seemingly controversial move actually has a firm basis in scientific fact. Dr Flo Ofair...

A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections. “I have suffered...

Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he's taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his hands. This despite him not being competent to ride a bike. Saint...

The Rev Mike Pence, deputy pastor at the Church of the Poison Mind, Washington, DC, has been quoted as saying "What the American people need is not more health care. What we need is more Jesus...

Due to severe cut backs, Rochdale Infirmary is to trial working office hours only. This is a first in the UK since the inception of the NHS. The proposal will see the busy hospital...

There has been a wave of concern regarding universal access to healthcare across the United States after Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the GOP officially repealed Obamacare this week. "We have hereditary birth defects in my family, and...

E-Cigarettes cause your internal organs to fuse together creating one large 'super organ' that later bursts, scientists have found. The two-year study, which followed heavy users of the increasingly popular nicotine delivery system, showed signs of minor organ fusion...

Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average pay, according to the Rochdale Nursing Council.    "Since hospitals have...

Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening without wearing protective eyewear and were blinded by David Dimbleby's...

The Department of Health issued a press release this morning announcing that all NHS hospitals were to begin retailing postcards in order to capitalise on the booming health tourism market. “With an estimated five hundred...

Metrosexuals all over the country were overcome with delight today as Snake Oil salesmen L'Oreal, released an new line of grooming products for men in a star studded press conference. The jackboot of pressure placed...

A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver. Nathan Webster 22, a cocaine fan from Rochdale, complained: "These new fivers...

The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary Tackle said, "Frankly we've never had much luck with homeopathy....

Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company has launched the range as part of its Sin Free...

A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers whilst simultaneously cutting costs. After a Conservative election win, would be doctors...