Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he’s taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his hands.

This despite him not being competent to ride a bike.

Saint Richard managed to fall of his bike and scrape his face recently, allowing the Daily Express to call him a hero, brave and not at all a clumsy twerp.

“Is there CCTV footage?” asked a Mr J Corbyn, “Perhaps if he’d been able to find a ****ing seat! Was his bike overcrowded? ”

The filthy rich Branson, chairman of the Tony Blair Is Wonderful Society, has crashed everything he’s ever got his hands on, except public subsidies, and will take control of several NHS services shortly.

“I intend to steer the service in the right direction. Quite a lot to the right,” he said, “I am incredibly brilliant at steering things.”