bottles of water

New Juice Plus rival Juice Minus to include ‘no juice’

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It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market...

NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly 

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In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...

Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet

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In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...

Coronavirus maybe more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith warns Government

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The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain...
Katie Hopkins

Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder

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There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve...

Morrissey spends days in bed

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Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time...
Theresa May

Theresa May gives civil servants 300% wage rise for World Aides Day

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Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

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The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

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A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...
Doctor Who

New Doctor Who to charge for consultations according to Jeremy Hunt

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As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale...

Which filthy johnny foreigner should you blame for Covid-19?

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All over Britain, McDonald's branches are silent and your gran might die from Covid-19. The PC libtards say this is a result of complex...

Hospital waiting times longest ever as people queue to abuse Boris Johnson

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"Waiting times for the NHS in England are the longest ever and it's because people are waiting so they can abuse Boris Johnson." Rochdale resident...
Bunk Beds

Government to end NHS bed shortage by installing bunk beds

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Health - A recent Government initiative has been announced to replace traditional hospital beds with bunk beds. This scheme was recently trialed in one...

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...

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