Increase in breast injuries as Brexit voters admit to feeling right tits
The number of women reporting breast injuries has increased dramatically since June 2016, according to Dr Feltham Bubiz, head of Unspeakable Female Problems at Rochdale General...
The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...
Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred.
The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and...
Morrissey spends days in bed
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...
‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.
A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence.
Stephen...
Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover
Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown.
Researchers were observing the effect...
May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS
The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety...
Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google
A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto.
The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers...
Women seeking cosmetic surgery to make their genitals look like Michael Gove
The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women...
Surgeons delighted to confirm the operation to remove Piers Morgan’s head from Donald Trump’s...
Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success.
In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have...
Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears
The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...
Tory superbug found in pigs
A variant of the antibiotic-resistant superbug MRSA normally found in old Etonians and Conservative Party politicians has found its way into the nation's...
NHS struggling as electorate shoots itself in the other foot
With the General Election all done bar the shouting, cut-stricken NHS emergency departments are struggling this morning after 43% of the nation shot itself...
NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight
NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it...
NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse.
Since the vote...
“Could Coronavirus be as deadly as Harold Shipman?” Your Coronavirus questions answered
With Coronavirus fever hitting the nation Rochdale residents had many questions. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College answers some of them.
Will Coronavirus be as...
Stressed nurses sick of sick people
Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...
