Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover
Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown.
Researchers were observing the effect...
Government re-brands NHS as Notional Health Service
The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service.
Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is...
Coronavirus equals UK mortality rate of Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool
The Government has announced that as many people in the UK have died from Coronavirus as have been found dead in Michael Barrymore's swimming...
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
New Doctor Who to charge for consultations according to Jeremy Hunt
As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale...
Homeopathy shop closed after vegan snake oil found to contain old wives tails
A Rochdale homeopathy shop has been forced to close this week after it was discovered to be selling vegan snake oil containing old wives...
Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder
There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve...
Coronavirus maybe more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith warns Government
The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain...
Theresa May’s Rituals
"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales.
"Do you see...
Man begins month long quest to get fit
In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given...
Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally
With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
21,000 additional mental health workers unnecessary if Jeremy Hunt used his real name
“Imagine if you could call that overbearing parent a proper Jeremy Hunt to their face? And you could do it all your life? Just get that stress out before it builds into an illness that blights your life.”
NHS struggling as electorate shoots itself in the other foot
With the General Election all done bar the shouting, cut-stricken NHS emergency departments are struggling this morning after 43% of the nation shot itself...
NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers
People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...
Woman chains herself up in bid to stop voting for the Conservatives
A mother is so desperate to stop voting for the Conservatives she has chained herself up in her room to prevent access to a...
Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit
Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.
