Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

Its not Lupus.

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Hypochondriacs around the UK were said to be giddy with the excitement at the prospect of a new NHS website that will encourage them...

Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception

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High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill. The...
Theresa May

Nutters shouldn’t be stigmatised says Theresa May

6
The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental...
Chris Witty

Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper

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Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The...

Big Mac Inventor’s funeral to be smaller than it looks in adverts

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Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.
Boris Johnson

“Operation Cumshot” – UK gov commits to spunking £100bn on wizard wheeze

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The UK government has announce a new initiative to spend £100bn on a COVID-19 testing programme, the Rochdale Herald has learned. The initiative, the budget...
Hospital

Hospitals to open thousands of ‘transition wards’ to end winter crisis

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Health - Health Secretary James Hunt today told The Rochdale Herald that a "space restructurement"  at hospitals across the country would put paid to...
British Homeopath

British Homeopathy Association to strike over watered down labelling

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The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’. The head of the British Homeopathic Association...
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

11
In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the...

NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse

4
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse. Since the vote...

‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.

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A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen...

Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

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International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...

Coronavirus equals UK mortality rate of Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool

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The Government has announced that as many people in the UK have died from Coronavirus as have been found dead in Michael Barrymore's swimming...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...

Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia

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Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take...

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