Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

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A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...
George Michael

George Michael declined 33rd heart transplant after ‘giving them away’

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The 80's pop sensation 90's cop bothering loiterer and naughties stoner George Michael has been refused the vital surgery by the NHS. Chief Cardiovascular Surgeon...

NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers

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People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...

Donald Trump appoints Doogie Howser M.D. Coronavirus Czar

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POTAUS Donald Trump has announced the creation of a Coronavirus Czar charged with coordinating the US's response to Coronavirus. He revealed that Doogie Howser...

Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia

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Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take...

Surgeons delighted to confirm the operation to remove Piers Morgan’s head from Donald Trump’s...

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Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success. In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have...

NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy

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The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary...

Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms

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Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to...
Supermarket

Fat Fighters launches gold leaf ‘Sin Free’ range

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Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

Crossfit cult ‘survivor’ makes full recovery after being rescued

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A former member of the cult of Crossfit, Steve ‘Tits’ Day, has spoken for the first time having made a full recovery from his formerly...

Man that failed GCSE Science now an expert in pediatrics

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced...

Man Flu Worse Than AIDS Cancer And Ebola Combined Say Scientists

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We've all heard of the dreaded Man Flu in our time, but a team of scientists in Rochdale have finally catalogued the full effects. “The...
Refugee Doctor

Cholera stricken Yemenis welcome arrival of western homeopaths

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Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the...
Glass of orange juice

The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy

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80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...

One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet

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Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report. Commissioned by a...

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