Health

A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying stuff, but you really have to wonder at the sense...

The news that top scientists have established that people who drink alcohol more regularly are less likely to develop diabetes. The results found that even compared to those who are teetotal, occasional drinkers had...

Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to have graduated one of Rochdale's leading Catholic schools, he has...

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff. The move has come under heavy criticism from The British Medical Association, leading Labour MP's and even...

Following Jacob Rees-Mogg's bullying tirade on a doctor who dared challenge his smug assertions on talk radio, many people have challenged the pusillanimous human cockroach to repeat his comments outside the house where he...

NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ? "We needed someone who knows our Windows 95 computer system inside out" said...

It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market that will ease your January blues. New Juice Minus is a...

The Minister for Health, Jeremy Hunt, has stated during an interview with our reporter that the pressure felt by A&E staff up and down the country is in no way related to the systematic...

Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused by a severe vitamin C deficiency that commonly affected pirates...

The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain doubled to 8. A spokesman said, "When discussing the deadliness of...

Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he's taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his hands. This despite him not being competent to ride a bike. Saint...

Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.

The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety. A spokesperson for Meadows and Flowers, a clinic located on a small islet off the...

The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service. Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is expected to announce the move shortly. "A Notional Health Service...

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are...