Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes
A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man.
"I get that being mortal is terrifying...
Anti-Vaxxer has very messy carpet
In an ironic twist that would give Alanis Morissette a run for her money, local Anti-Vaxx campaigner Tarquin O'Flerfer is reported to have a...
Living in Italy and eating really nice food might cure depression, confirms Institute of...
The institute for the blindingly obvious has today proclaimed that living in Italy and eating nice food may help depression.
Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...
IMPORTANT ADVICE TO STOP SPREAD OF VIRUS
The Rochdale Herald would like to pass on advice regarding the nasty viral infection which has reared its ugly head in the UK recently.
Please...
Diabetes sufferers celebrate reduced risk with ‘messy weekend’
The news that top scientists have established that people who drink alcohol more regularly are less likely to develop diabetes.
The results found that...
One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet
Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report.
Commissioned by a...
Your NHS is safe with me, says man who can’t ride bike
Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he's taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his...
Coronavirus equals UK mortality rate of Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool
The Government has announced that as many people in the UK have died from Coronavirus as have been found dead in Michael Barrymore's swimming...
NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly
In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
Well I’ve never caught anything off my kids before, Facebook mum lies
Before 2020, Rochdale mum Di Coughlan had rarely posted anything other than pictures of her adorable children and grimacing husband. That all changed a...
Is Bank of England endangering health of cocaine users
A casual cocaine user from Rochdale has accused the Bank of England of intentionally trying to injure and poison him with the new fiver.
Nathan...
Emergency services overwhelmed after public blinded by David Dimbleby’s tie
Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening...
Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia
Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take...
Big Mac Inventor’s funeral to be smaller than it looks in adverts
Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.
Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception
High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill.
The...
