May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS
The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety...
Evil Tory bastards sign off on pay increase for 1.3 million NHS workers
Over a million NHS staff including front line nurses and paramedics are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.
Fat Fighters launches gold leaf ‘Sin Free’ range
Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company...
Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!
Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun...
Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets
Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Government to solve doctor shortage by drafting in Job Centre assessors
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff.
The move has come under heavy criticism...
Virus tests increase to 1 million a day as Matt Hancock includes tests he’s...
The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day.
Health Secretary, Matt...
‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola
In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the...
Big Mac Inventor’s funeral to be smaller than it looks in adverts
Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.
Nutters shouldn’t be stigmatised says Theresa May
The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental...
Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror
A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today.
“Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin...
Morrissey spends days in bed
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...
“Operation Cumshot” – UK gov commits to spunking £100bn on wizard wheeze
The UK government has announce a new initiative to spend £100bn on a COVID-19 testing programme, the Rochdale Herald has learned.
The initiative, the budget...
Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records
NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked.
"Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on...
Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day
Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after...
NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers
People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...
