Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn’t count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if you’ve preceded it with 12 bottles of San Miguel.
The reminder comes from medical researchers at the Rochdale Community University after a series of media reports about the Mediterranean diet being correlated with a longer, healthier life.
“One local GP was told by a patient that they were following a strict Mediterranean diet only to find out that they meant they put ketchup on everything,” explained Professor Elle Fior, “but there’s more to it than tomatoes. Or having greek yogurt on your triple fudged chocolate death gateaux.”
For a diet to count as Mediterranean, in the sense of being healthy, it needs to be made up of vegetables and fruit, olive oil instead of other oils, have meat feature only two or three times in a week and one of those being fish not red meat and be complemented by nuts.
“They’d bloody have to be nuts to compliment that!” insisted Rochdale fast food business whizz Taz Lard, “It sounds like what I feed to my food, not what I bloody eat myself!”
Mr Lard dismissed the latest reports as “mumby sodding jumby!” and promised his own Rochdale diet is superior: “The Taz Lard diet is simple. Taz lard in it? Then it’s good for you! Though if you want to make it more Med you can always add Sangria.”