Join us this week for The Rochdale Herald’s guide to the best breakfast wines

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As the nation enters another three weeks of lockdown, The Rochdale Herald asks "Which alcohol is best for breakfast?" Coco Pops - RH recommends a light-bodied Pinot Noir or a fruit-forward Merlot to...
Indian Family

Asian family enjoying post night out curry accused of ‘Cultural Appropriation’

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A British-Asian family came under intense fire today, after being accused of extreme 'cultural appropriation' from White groups, for enjoying a post pub curry at their local suburban Indian restaurant last weekend. The Sharma family,...

Burnley mum left ‘fuming’ after finding half a vegetable in packet of frozen rats

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A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside a bag. Jayda Daley, 28, had just prepared dinner for her...

Shock as traces of vegetables found in supermarket ready meals

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Food enthusiasts have demanded an enquiry after research showed that as many as 1 in 10 supermarket ready meals contain trace amounts of vegetables. A Burnley resident told us, "I was shocked when I opened...
Woman walking through shopping crown

Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market

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Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale. "Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and...

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...

Britain celebrates start of 40 days of losing its mind about Easter eggs

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Britain has been celebrating the start of its traditional Lent activity of being outraged about Easter Eggs not saying Easter on them. Father Frederick Seddon told us, "Our Lord himself  wandering lonely in...

Gerry Adams to launch cooking show called, Gerry’s Duck a l’Orange March

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Gerry Adams is releasing a new cook book and getting a new cookery show on RTÉ. The show will be called, Gerry's Duck a l'Orange March. It sees Adams travelling around Ireland cooking various...

Level 9 vegan stops eating anything that casts shadow

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The scene, a shed on a barren windswept farm. The place, deep within West Yorkshire's infamous rhubarb triangle, the home of hidden suffering for millions of rhubarb plants. Activist, Honey Oil-Spring, a level 9...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan furious after discovering Buffalo Wings don’t contain Buffalo

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Piers Morgan took to Twitter today to denounce a popular fast food chain after discovering that its Buffalo Wings don't contain any Buffalo at all. Mr Morgan accused the...

Burnley opens new “All you won’t eat” vegetarian restaurant

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Burnley's first "All you won't eat" buffet style restaurant opened it's doors today. The lavish 10 seater eaterie offers food that most locals would never eat such as fresh fruit, vegetables (not chips), lah-dee-dah...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He'd had...

Dad boils right amount of pasta for family of 4

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Buddhists talk in hushed tones of Nirvana, the ultimate; where there is perfection and no sense of self. Many strive to reach this end but few ever achieve it. However, when Rochdale man Steve...

Somebody on Facebook has eaten some food

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It is being widely reported by sources around the world that somebody on Facebook has cooked and eaten a tasty meal.

Wetherspoons launches Thursday night Gammon Time menu

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Wetherspoons new Thursday night Gammon Time menu has been declared a stunning success by Wetherspoons gammon in chief Hamhock O'Porcine. Hamhock said, "We've decided to market to the pre Question Time audience. They can come...

Psychic World Cup octopus Rabio sleeps with the fishes

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Psychic Rabio set to bring joy to many Japanese football fans despite the national team's recent World Cup exit. While the Japanese football team face a disappointing journey home after failing to make it through...

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